Anthropology

Judi Lynn

(160,542 posts) Sat Dec 17, 2022, 07:16 AM Dec 2022

Over the holidays, try talking to your relatives like an anthropologist

Published: December 16, 2022 8.14am EST

How is it possible to spend so much time with your parents and grandparents and not really know them?

This question has puzzled me as an anthropologist. It’s especially relevant for the holiday season, when millions of people travel to spend time with their families.

When my parents were alive, I traveled long distances to be with them. We had the usual conversations: what the kids were doing, how the job was going, aches and pains. It wasn’t until after my parents died, though, that I wondered whether I really knew them in a deep, rich and nuanced way. And I realized that I’d never asked them about the formative periods of their lives, their childhoods and teenage years.

What had I missed? How had this happened?

In fact, I had interviewed my mother a few years before her death. But I only asked her about other relatives – people I was curious about because my father’s job had taken us to places away from the rest of the family. I based my questions for my mother on the bit of information I already had, to build a family tree. You might say I didn’t know what I didn’t know.

I decided to research the kinds of questions that would have elicited from my mother things about her life that I had no clue about and that now remain hidden and lost forever. I interviewed older people to develop questions that would paint a vivid picture of a person’s life as a child and teenager. I wanted details that would help me see the world that had influenced the person they became.

More:
https://theconversation.com/over-the-holidays-try-talking-to-your-relatives-like-an-anthropologist-195637

14 replies

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Highlight:

Over the holidays, try talking to your relatives like an anthropologist (Original Post) Judi Lynn Dec 2022 OP

Excellent idea. pandr32 Dec 2022 #1

I did that with my mother. Asked all manner of things about her childhood and what it was Solly Mack Dec 2022 #2

I just ordered it mgardener Dec 2022 #3

Right before my father died in 2000 Tree Lady Dec 2022 #6

I was really lucky, I was close to my grandmother, visited relatives with her and heard the stories Rhiannon12866 Dec 2022 #4

I already do. GreenWave Dec 2022 #5

You talkin' to me? (Robert DeNiro) Judi Lynn Dec 2022 #7

I stopped calling my relatives Ramapithecus (which they seemed to like) GreenWave Dec 2022 #13

Sharing with my friends and relatives; for their children as well. cachukis Dec 2022 #8

my hubby recorded his moms oral history.. she passed at 104 samnsara Dec 2022 #9

My parents grew up during the Depression nuxvomica Dec 2022 #10

Based on your title, I thought this would be about analyzing our RWNJ relatives. erronis Dec 2022 #11

Write the info on the backs of your pictures. oldfart73 Dec 2022 #12

I would have had to interview them more like a psychiatrist Warpy Dec 2022 #14

pandr32

(11,586 posts)

1. Excellent idea.

Reply to Judi Lynn (Original post)

Sat Dec 17, 2022, 08:14 AM

Dec 2022

I already ordered the book.
Thank you for posting this.

Solly Mack

(90,769 posts)

2. I did that with my mother. Asked all manner of things about her childhood and what it was

Reply to Judi Lynn (Original post)

Sat Dec 17, 2022, 08:22 AM

Dec 2022

like growing up the baby in the family of so many sisters. I asked her how she felt about her parents and siblings. Things about her teenage years. Her young adult years. Her first love. All kinds of things.

After she died, I still had more questions.

Never enough time.

Still, I was glad I asked her all those questions.

mgardener

(1,816 posts)

3. I just ordered it

Reply to Judi Lynn (Original post)

Sat Dec 17, 2022, 08:39 AM

Dec 2022

My dad died when I was 10.
He would not talk to me about his experiences in WW11.
The only thing I remember him saying is " never volunteer".
I found out years later that he volunteered as a senior in high school.
Any boy who did that automatically graduated.

Tree Lady

(11,470 posts)

6. Right before my father died in 2000

Reply to mgardener (Reply #3)

Sat Dec 17, 2022, 08:57 AM

Dec 2022

He told my daughter's boyfriend who had just joined Air Force stories about him being in the war. I had never heard any of these stories.

One story was he was a gunner and he watched his best friend another gunner on other side of him get killed. I'm Sorry he couldn't share this pain.

Or the time in basic training where he got so drunk his friends tied him to a pole so he wouldn't get in trouble.

Rhiannon12866

(205,419 posts)

4. I was really lucky, I was close to my grandmother, visited relatives with her and heard the stories

Reply to Judi Lynn (Original post)

Sat Dec 17, 2022, 08:48 AM

Dec 2022

But I lost her in 1998 and there are still so many questions I wish I'd asked.

GreenWave

(6,757 posts)

5. I already do.

Reply to Judi Lynn (Original post)

Sat Dec 17, 2022, 08:56 AM

Dec 2022

Good morning Propliopithecus!

Judi Lynn

(160,542 posts)

7. You talkin' to me? (Robert DeNiro)

Reply to GreenWave (Reply #5)

Sat Dec 17, 2022, 09:12 AM

Dec 2022

GreenWave

(6,757 posts)

13. I stopped calling my relatives Ramapithecus (which they seemed to like)

Reply to Judi Lynn (Reply #7)

Sat Dec 17, 2022, 11:13 AM

Dec 2022

once they left our branch to join the orangs.

cachukis

(2,242 posts)

8. Sharing with my friends and relatives; for their children as well.

Reply to Judi Lynn (Original post)

Sat Dec 17, 2022, 09:16 AM

Dec 2022

samnsara

(17,622 posts)

9. my hubby recorded his moms oral history.. she passed at 104

Reply to Judi Lynn (Original post)

Sat Dec 17, 2022, 09:27 AM

Dec 2022

Altho I didnt do that, I did ask my father ( who was struggling with Parkinsons at the time) about his time in Korea. We were watching MASH and I asked him about the MASH units he saw when he served. Im glad I did. I remember mom looking at me and smiling..she was saying 'thank you'...

Both passed about 18 months later...

nuxvomica

(12,426 posts)

10. My parents grew up during the Depression

Reply to Judi Lynn (Original post)

Sat Dec 17, 2022, 09:35 AM

Dec 2022

So I had heard all about what life was like then, mostly to underline the fact that my life was easier than theirs had been. And it had the desired effect: I believe in social and economic justice and don't understand why other people don't.

erronis

(15,286 posts)

11. Based on your title, I thought this would be about analyzing our RWNJ relatives.

Reply to Judi Lynn (Original post)

Sat Dec 17, 2022, 09:40 AM

Dec 2022

Nice probing questions about what do you like/hate? Why do you hate so much? Do you have any facts to back up your rantings?

Stuff like that....

oldfart73

(51 posts)

12. Write the info on the backs of your pictures.

Reply to Judi Lynn (Original post)

Sat Dec 17, 2022, 11:05 AM

Dec 2022

Warpy

(111,267 posts)

14. I would have had to interview them more like a psychiatrist

Reply to Judi Lynn (Original post)

Tue Dec 20, 2022, 03:07 AM

Dec 2022

I knew a lot about how my mother grew up surrounded by psychos. My dad didn't talk much about his formative years but I did read the diary he kept in 1931 when he was a teenager hustling pennies and nickels for movie and baseball money. He and his brothers were known around town as "those hellions."

I did get to know them as people, but it took uninstalling the buttons they loved to push. Once they realized those buttons didn't work any more, they relaxed into being themselves. It was a gift.

Anyway, neither had a leg to stand on when it came to criticizing my own teenager from hell years. They knew it and I knew it.

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