No. I don't pray. I'll wait until my 80s to talk to myself.

I find that if I need someone to talk to, I see my therapist. They're good listeners and they can help make decisions.

I know that the constant barrage from the media implies that everyone, or the great majority of people, have loads of family members, friends, etc. I don't think this is actually true. Sure, some people do, but many, many do not.

You are truly lucky to have a wonderful husband and daughter and a few close friends. My suggestion: when you start feeling "small and alone" talk to them, not to a mythical being.

Have a wonderful holiday!

Thanks.

my mother, for example. I have prayed for her. Not because I believe in God, but because she does. I don't know if God is up there, and I think the answer is probably not. But she believes in God. So I pray for her when she asks me to, to her GOd that she believes in. I figure if he's not there then no harm, right? I don't know, I guess growing up and going to church in my childhood and then slowly disbeleving more and more as I grew older, I'm used to praying for people. If it makes her feel better, then that's great. I'm not going to lie and tell her I prayed for her when I didn't, and I won't offer a prayer. But if she asks (and she does ask) then I will. Generally along the lines of "let my mom stay as healthy as she can and let her be pain free, or get out of the hospital soon, or thanks for letting her get to the hospital where they found the 99% occlusion in 5 major vessels before she had a fucking heart attack while driving on the freeway."

For myself, I "ask" for things outloud. I don't consider them prayers...more wishes "Come on, car, start this time!" or "please don't let that be a flat tire I hear..." things like that. Wishes for the ether. Wishes for the fates to knit my future a little bit differently. "Please let me get this job I really need it" or Not invoking anything divine. Not even expecting the outcome I'm asking for. I talk to my cats in the same way to....never looking for a response, just one of those things we kind of do (or at least I kind of do).

I know I do the same.

I just wonder what or who we are communicating with, you know? Is there some deep sense in humans to not feel alone, that manifests in this way?

I do something really strange, too, a lot of times I'll hear myself refer to myself as "we"!! Haha. Like, "we've got to remember to hit the grocery store on the way home." When, I'm the only one involved.

Hmmm...

Same reason I scold the cat when he hides in a room and subsequently gets locked in that room KNOWING he'd be locked in the room if he hid in the room "What'd ya go and do that for, huh? Oh lemme guess...somebody's hugy..somebody's thurrrsty. Ooooh....gee whiz, jerk, you could have eaten but noooooo, Mister Big Boy Pants has to go and hide in the room. Well guess what? Mumbles got the gravy because you were playing in the room so dry food for you, Mister Big Shot"

yes, that's as close to an actual quote that I said to my cat today. The 2 cats and I were the only things (people?) in the house. There was non one around that would laugh at what I was saying, so i was saying it to my cat, and to myself.



I'm an only child, so I grew up talking to myself. Saying a "prayer" or a "wish" or talking to my cat? Been doing it my whole life. Why stop now?

Holy shit...I have entire conversations with myself outloud. It's great for preparing for a convo you want to have with someone about a specific thing. Like practicing your lines before a play, kind of?

One of the things I've been unable to "get over" that happened to my this fall is my 2 year old kitty disappeared - no doubt into the jaws of a coyote (given where we live).

She was my "replacement" when my daughter - an only child - went off to college. This cat really adored me. She was purrfect. I miss her a bunch. No more cats for me.

Mine are indoors only...too many kitty tragedies in my youth for them to be otherwise. They sit at the sliding glass door and their buddies come by to say hi every night...Ms Raccoon and her kiddos, Mr & Mrs Possum & their teenager, Yellow cat, Neighbor Cat, Mr & Mrs Squirrel, and the various birds.

:hugs:

That's what finally got her in the end.

I can feel some peace that she gave as good as she got.

She had a happy, short life.

talking to yourself as if you're talking to someone else. I'd be concerned if you hear someone answer back though.

Seriously, I have talked to a family member who died as if they were still there a couple of times just because I miss their company but I know full well it's to myself. It's about the memory.

Yes, I think the "wish" for an afterlife also falls along these lines.

We are not alone, someone powerful is watching after us, everything happens for a reason, and we (and our loved ones) are immortal!

as long as we retain and participate in our memory of our loved ones they are immortal as far as we are concerned. Like the words of Epicurus... "Death does not concern us, because as long as we exist, death is not here. And when it does come, we no longer exist." So to think in terms of our consciousness being the "only and all" we can know and our memories being the substance of our past experience, it's not a far reach to see ourselves and others as eternal... at least for the moments that we live.

as writing a letter to Dear Abby or to someone and then throwing it away, or recording thoughts and memories in a journal. It is therapeutic. And I see nothing wrong with it, although it never occurs to me to pray. But I am in your same situation, only minus the husband and child.....so don't feel as if you are alone. My parents are dead, my two sisters live far away, there are just a few cousins who I am not close to. But I have friends, and I cherish them. I also don't mind being alone. So I am lucky. Yes, I still miss my parents a great amount, and wish that my sisters were close, but that is not to be.

You should focus more on what you have instead of what you are missing. I have known too many people who do not have that perfect Rockwell holiday with friends and family overflowing the house. It is usually a commercial myth.

in the sense that it's usually understood doesn't come to me anymore because I've mostly overcome my fundamentalist upbringing and conditioned responses. I know, as you seem to realize, that there's no magic man in the sky listening. But we're all subject to human fears and longing and we are all, indeed, very small in the scheme of things. I try now to see my impulse to "pray" as a simple need for expression. It's self-talk. Sometimes to my better self. Sometimes to my "you-can-certainly-do-better" self. And sometimes it reveals very clearly what I fear and often what I really, really need to be expressing to others. The desire to connect, to self-correct, to analyze our behavior seems to me the impulse of a caring, self-aware person. Prayer to a deity isn't rational, but this kind of messaging, however it's done and whatever you call it, seems very rational and very therapeutic.

One more thought. This time of year is hard for many. But you do have connections you value, and especially as we age it's the quality rather than the quantity that matters. My best wishes that the remainder of the season will be peaceful and enjoyable for you.

Your post is very affirming, and I appreciate it deeply.

I have "talked" to my brother a couple times. He died a few years ago. He was my best friend. He was the person I could talk to about the big stuff. I miss that. Since his death there were a couple occasions when life had become too much, and I just "talked" to him. I don't believe he's "up there" listening to me. It was more of a philosophical and emotional contemplation.

On a related note. I've been thinking about pursuing some sort of meditation regime. Yoga perhaps?

Last edited Tue Dec 10, 2013, 06:54 PM - Edit history (1)

Of course not. (By that I mean: No, I do not pray.)

I would rather just be feeding my husband and daughters.