Every time a Jesus or Bible movie comes out, it's touted as the most important film ever, like that one Mel did, but no one remembers now. Or that oh so controversial one where Jesus has a vision of getting married and having kids...or something... who remembers that one?

...and they are cringe-worthy in their earnest desire to be taken seriously ..."In a world, where an invisible God is about to commit genocide on a planetary scale stood one man....and his boat...and a bunch of animals...that all got along famously...and didn't try and eat each other...See the never before told story behind the story that was never meant to be taken seriously...ever..."

I must admit I burst out laughing in the cinema when I saw it...

I must admit that the film has some good special effects.

It's going to be crazy. I mean, the same guy that did Black Swan and Requiem for a Dream? Could be good.

They'll have to do an unbelievable story a hell of a lot better than the old 50s and 60s Charlton Heston god movies did.

Otherwise, they'll rent these things out to churches to be seen by fewer and fewer people.

Ben Hur is going to be a huge mistake. The last one looks so watered down when compared to the original silent film I have little hope for this one improving anything. If you haven't seen the chariot race in the old silent, it's worth renting it to see. Even without the sounds of galloping and steel on steel, it's much more realistic and exciting than the color, full sound version was.

So good luck to the god squad with these movies. They are going to need it.

The 1959 version, on Turner Classic Movies.

It's amazing how...cheap and cheesy it looks today. Especially the sea battle. Those ships are obviously miniatures.

Robert Osborne mentioned that the chariot race took weeks to film and cost over a million bucks in 1959 money. It lasts for 11 minutes onscreen.

One fun part - watching the first scenes between Stephen Boyd and Charlton Heston. Gore Vidal was an uncredited script doctor on that movie. According to Vidal, he and Boyd conspired to imply that Massala and Ben-Hur had a sexual relationship in their youth. Without telling Heston.

When Heston heard that about 30 years later, he went ballistic and denied the whole thing. But it's pretty obvious.

I had fun doing my own personal MST3K dialogues during the movie. Especially the hokey Jesus parts. "I was a leper. I had a CAREER..."

major triads moving up and down a whole step at a time. That's how you make holy movie music. Feel the holiness.

what makes me freaking crazy is how many in this target audience will have NEVER read the literary fiction from which these plots are taken. I'm finding that the one single place that all dialogue with my believing friends shuts down completely is when you bring up or challenge them on something that actually IS in the bible, which they've never read, and don't know squat about. Maybe that's not even germane to the post, but I often think about what will happen some day when there's nerve enough to make films about the less-than-glorious stories. Let's see the cast of thousands killing women, children, animals in obedience to the almighty.

I might go see that one.

really happened? The amount of delusion and denial that would take just staggers me.

Yet, millions of 'Murikins will think it's a documentary.

I think the constant social conditioning causes people to feel good about themselves when they refuse to be swayed by apparent facts.

and we're all supposed to celebrate the denial of common sense, reason, and facts. It's pretty darn pathetic and sad.

Doncha know, we can create and alter reality to suit our own personal feelings!

Whenever I hear that gibberish, I suggest that the person spouting it go find a very tall building and jump. They should have plenty of time to alter their reality before they encounter that hard fact known as "the ground."

Yes, I'm aware that "reality is just an illusion" can be a useful idea in, e.g., quantum physics. And my knowledge of quantum physics would fit comfortably on my thumbnail with plenty of room to spare.

But every time physicists come up with one of these concepts, the Quantum Woomeisters immediately grab the idea and try to make it applicable to reality and people in general. Usually as part of an advertising pitch to sell their book or DVD or motivational lecture series.

They might have a point if real human beings behaved like subatomic particles. But that doesn't seem to be the case.

/usual tedious rant

When you are Child and you don't believe the stuff your parents are teaching you. For a little while you think there is something wrong with you because you are not seeing what they are seeing, and your passion for this stuff is not developing at all. By the they time you reach puberty you realize the reason you don't get it is because you don't believe any of it.

After that you spend the rest of your time planning an escape. Well that's what I did.

the planet to get in the ark.

Though, one wonders what they did with the ocean-going vessels they used to get there, just to get in another one.

approximately 400,000 beetle species on Earth. That's a lot of bugs on one little boat.

And how about bacteria? If evolution is Satan's Lie, then all the bacteria we have now must have existed in its current form, and Noah must have gathered it. Noah was the most skilled scientist EVER!

Where did all the fresh water fish go?

Or if the flood was fresh water.... where did all the salt water fish go?



And of course, there's not enough genetic diversity in a single family (Noah's) to account for the current genetic diversity in mankind.


But a good myth is a good myth..... and always a MYTH.

First time I saW it, I missed the beginning. It was showing late at night and I was flipping the channels.

Watched for a few minutes, thinking it was a real documentary. At least until I saw Lou Ferrigno and Andy Dick playing Cain & Abel: "You wanna piece of me?"

It cracks me up just thinking about it, so I'm going to watch it again soon.

For those of us living in Los Angeles, "And God Spoke" is double-plus-good because it skewers the pomposity and arrogance of the movie industry along with religion:

"And what screen credit does that Xmas Angel get? 'Angel Who Blew The Producer To Get Her SAG Card?'"

will seek it out, pronto.

thanks!

Not in the cast now. Not surprising, if it doesn't come out until 2015 - they couldn't have filmed much with him.

He was supposed to be but... IMBD doesn't list him as a cast member but Fandango does.

I love Mr. O'Toole, and even if he is in it, I'm not going to sit through that movie just to see him for 45 seconds.



He will also be seen in Katherine of Alexandria.



http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1587685/?ref_=fn_al_tt_1

Another round of bullshit religious garbage. Bring the kids!

I imagine that most of you would be familiar with Mark Morford's frequently irreverent writings in the San Francisco Gate blog. But just in case someone isn't, this weeks column is in the OP vein.

How to Sucker A Billion Christians

You do not mess with blind faith.

Just a humble reminder. You do not question the dully codified stories of Christianity, or challenge them, or offer even remotely refreshing, alternative storylines with anything resembling intelligence, or humor, or deep intellectual curiosity.

What are you, a masochist? To do so would imply there is something to be gained, some sort of cultural progress to be made in the realms of the exhausted – but still deeply paranoid and very simpleminded – Christian faith, when there most certainly is not. Besides, you want to make lots of money, right? Of course you do.

Do you know who understands this overarching rule perfectly? Mark Burnett, the goliath TV producer who single-handedly destroyed the modern world by popularizing reality TV. Burnett and his wife, “Touched by an Angel” actress Roma Downey, know exactly how sucker-able are the vast majority of the world’s Christians. Because they’re evil that way. Smart. I mean smart.

So smart are the Burnetts that they recently hacked together a terrifically lousy movie about the life and times of Jesus, called Son of God. They made it by cobbling new footage with bits of last year’s 10-hour History Channel miniseries on the Bible that was already quite perfectly lousy but still really popular because, you know, Jesus.

"You do not question the DULLY codified stories of Christianity..."

I think that's supposed to be "duly codified." But considering the subject, either word works.

Thanks for posting this, it was hilarious (as usual for a Morford rant).

It almost makes me wish a Hell existed. I can imagine the Burnetts sentenced to an eternity of watching their own crap. In Hell's own viewing room, with no popcorn.

So many white Europeans with perfect teeth.

It looks to be exactly as hurl-worthy as you might expect:

http://m.

Gotta laugh at the youtube comments. Usually youtube comments leave me feeling sad for civilization, but almost all of them pan this movie.

Fred Thomson is in it! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! (thunk thunk)

"CSI: Reverse Mortgage Fraud"