On one side, my grandparents were firm non-believers. On the other gramps could care less but grandma was a routine catholic church goer. Despite that disability, she practiced what was preached, and was one of the most empathic, sweet and concerned persons around. My parents instituted me into a religious grade school K-5. The day that I first stepped into a public school, I felt this feeling . this amazing, wonderful feeling of F R E E D O M. Many years later, I can still bring that memory to mind.

Wow. I've heard tales of such things. To be in the presence of someone with one must have been awe inspiring.

I'm soooo jealous.

and she argued with me for an HOUR that there really wasn't such a thing. Despite being accepted to the MSN program at my school, I must be wrong. Is it a Masters? a REAL master's degree? Or is it a certificate? Do I have to take the GRE? Have I taken the GRE? what was my GRE score. Are you SURE there are Master's Level Nurses? Because she's never heard of that. And I guess once you get one Master's Degree then that makes you a, uh, MASTER in OTHER Master Degrees. The word MASTER looks weird after typing it out a lot of times.

People like that frustrate the hell out of me. I usually end up saying something unpleasant or leaving.

BTW, my wife has two MASTERS and she never took the GRE.

that, of course, means that it's a LESSER Master's Degree in her eyes. Amazingly enough, my Master's is actually something I'd use in my field, and is something that is greatly desired in my field. Her Masters was a 60k waste of time, money, and energy, as it is nothing more than a title that allows her to be underpaid in an administrative position that she is "vastly overqualified" for (according to her).

Not that I'm being pedantic, but I make about $30k more a year with ~ 10 years experience and a 2-year RN degree than she has with a BS, MS, and 20 years experience. That REALLY chaps her hide.

Makes me want to step outside for smoke,
AND I DON'T SMOKE!!!

the capture of fish. Say Master Baiter will be the degree, and watch the haze of confusion descend within her itty bitty skull.

Q: what do you call the worlds best fisherman
A: A master baiter

pretty clever, I think

Assuming a wide margin of error.

thanks...

more of us need to come out of the woodwork. Thanks for the chuckle.

Discussing heavy matters with in-laws, particularly a bonkers one, is asking for trouble.

Remember, those who spout off their religious values are not about spreading their logic - they are about serving as a lightening rod to fuel their humps to cause trouble or fish for other fruitcakes to build a personal army of more whackadoodles. Logic and reason is irrelevant.

Over here it is no big thing but in the States ...

SIL asked if I had been baptized, told her no and ended up on the receiving end of 45 min. lecture on how I have put my "soul" in dire jeopardy and will go to hell for sure. Stopped her cold in her tracks when I told her I was an atheist and did not believe in hell anyway... wish I could have taken a pic of her face..But at least she doesn't talk to me anymore so makes my visits a lot better.

In The New Yorker or Vanity Fair or some place. I'm glad I didn't miss it.

I heard talk of a place here for original writing. I loved this story

.

They don't believe in the thousands of other gods that other religions have believed in throughout history. I just lack a belief in one additional god than they do!

Sort of a paraphrase of:

“I contend we are both atheists, I just believe in one less god than you do. When you understand why you dismiss all the other possible gods, you will understand why I dismiss yours.” —Stephen F Roberts

sounds like it was worth it

You surely went through enough blaaablaaaing during that meal (hope the food was good)!
And it was all about ME, MYSELF & I for her!! I'm surprised she has room for god in her life (doesn't sound like she does)!

Among the worst I've run into are people with Ph.D.s in education, who did their thesis on fairy tales or the like. Then I occasionally had to deal with the most arrogant woman I've ever known who had a Ph.D. in social work, and believed that said degree made her the world's expert on every known subject. Some gullible reporter once even interviewed her about nuclear power, for god's sake. There was NO subject on which she was unwilling to share her brilliant insights with anyone with hearing distance. Not much better were a whole slew of princess-types who got masters in social work, had never dealt with a real-world problem in their own lives, but got off on lecturing desperate clients how to live their lives by offering solutions which were completely unrealistic and unattainable.

My older brother got a degree in bioelectrical engineering from Purdue, but never used his "doctor" title (I have found that classy Ph.D.'s don't - they say doctor refers to medical doctor). In his considered opinion, having a Ph.D. made one an expert on an extremely narrow topic, and that ANYONE with enough time and money could get a Ph.D. I have a master's in sociology and completed all the course work for a Ph.D. in same. What simplistic class topics and course materials! And there were NO jobs availlable. That was a 6 year waste of my life, but at least I had teaching/research fellowships so was getting paid to waste my time.

Anyhoo, loved your post - very well written and funny - you really captured the essence of an insecure narcissist!

after my elementary school Principal got her PhD in Education, the Vice Principal personally went to every class to stress to all teachers and, especially, students that we MUST MUST MUST call her "Doctor" from then on. Honestly, it was borderline scary for us kids, we were so afraid to insult her if we forgot.

I actually have my doctorate. Doctor of Law. However, in my humble view, there is a special place reserved for lawyers who call themselves "Doctor." (I knew one high school teacher who had his JD and did so; my uncle -- also a lawyer and who does not speak ill of anyone -- couldn't contain his contempt when I told him.)

"The only difference between a cult and a religion is the amount of real estate they own. "

I love the story, and the conclusion was hilarious. I am just surprised that she didn't already know that you were an atheist. But I suppose it is because she never shuts up long enough to hear from anyone else.

Good for you.....for telling her, and for her reaction.

That was fun.

I've met people who believe you either believe in God or the Devil and THAT'S IT.

Then they go on to mention the Devil is a fallen angel,....as if that makes them a fucking scholar.

... you're missing a calling.

You certainly have a lot of patience!

I think women who get education degrees are just going to college to do something easy until they snag a man and get their MRS degree, as it's called.

At one state school I attended, everybody in the education department had an A average. And that probably included the Ph.D. students as well.


I think people with paper doctorates (not M.D.s) who insist on being called Doctor socially are just snotty as hell. I had a former FIL who had a Ph.D. in chemistry and insisted on being called "Doctor" socially. It's OK to be called Doctor if you are a Ph.D. and are a professor.
Or a celebrity lecturer talking to the public like we had with Carl Sagan and now have with Neil deGrasse Tyson.

Lo these thirty-some odd years later, I myself have a Juris Doctor, a law degree, and NEVER introduce myself as a doctor and don't talk about it very often.

When I called my aunt to tell her my mother (her older sister) had died, she gave me a commercial for Jesus and said "I urge you to believe" and said "When you have a funeral I want to be there." I told her that her sister, her mother and stepfather were all atheists when they died, believed there was no afterlife, and they were down with it. Perfectly content with being nothing after death.

I guess Auntie Good Christian would rather they had all died in terror of going to hell. I was so mad that I didn't have a funeral for my mom. Because I didn't want to have to deal with Auntie Good Christian.

--"doctor." The attitude being that if you are doing a certain kind of work, of course you have a PhD. If you don't, you have equivalent ezperience.

And would never call myself "Doctor." I even think "Esq." is a bit much, even on legal documents. Anyway, as I posted above, I knew of one high school history teacher with a JD who insisted he be called Doctor. My uncle is a lawyer and just a great guy, have never heard him speak ill of anyone, but could not hide his contempt when I told him that.

You've got talent - and patience! There's no way I could sit for that without dying laughing, which would probably make things just a bit worse. But congrats on your short-lived conversion lol.

LOL

ROFL

I have totally been there, but on slightly different topics.

Edit: Damn, I'm not the only one that found that hilarious.

I felt like I was there.
I'm an atheist. I actually work for a catholic healthcare organization. People I work with are very concerned about me. It doesn't bother me, they mean well. I usually tell them if i start believing in god I'm going to start small and become a jew and work my way up to the trinity and wind up a hindu.

her head might actually explode right then and there!

You can thank me later

One of the best things I've ever read.

I have a sister-in-law that likes to remind everyone she is a nurse with a degree; I feel your pain.

He, She, It, Whatever works in mysterious ways.

Luckily, throughout dinner, her vapid-brained friends slowly trickled away one by one "oh uh yeah um I think the uh sitter is oh wait...I think the sitter is calling gotta go..." "oh is that my car alarm going off? I think that's my car alarm going off. See ya later..." until it was just Mr. Heddi and I. I have never had such a burning yen for a short rope and a high beam in all my life.

she finds out differently, your silent treatment is over.

"oh For Fuck's Sake"

"If you invoke god one more time, I shall move you closer to him."

Or Charles Bronson from "Death Wish:"

Bronson: "Do you love Jesus?"
Bad Guy: "Yes I do."
Bronson: "Good. You're about to meet him."

Neither really appropriate for an atheist, but they still crack me up.

Funny story, thanks. I have the same kind of "conversations" with my relatives back in East Jesus when I visit.

Talking to them is a lot like visiting The Other Group: "Let's have a dialogue about religion. Now shut up and listen."

Your post made me crack up!!! I think we've all come in contact with the types like your sister-in-law. They drive most people nuts.

In my opinion, we are all free to believe (or not believe) that which we choose is right for us. To refuse to associate with those who believe (or don't believe) in a manner different from our own, well that sure would make for a boring planet.

Last Xmas, I was at my son's house. His wife has three sons by a previous marriage. One of the boys' wives started preaching about the rapture. I listened politely, and then my 17-year-grandson piped up and said, "Nana, aren't you an atheist?" I replied and said yes. Well, the Rapture Ready idiot immediately shut up.

My mother was visiting one of her nieces she hadn't seen for a long time. With great enthusiasm this niece told my mother that her life was wonderful since she found Jesus. My savvy mother replied-"oh, I didn't know he was missing." End of that line of conversation.

Most of it was just shit she thought was in there. I don't think she ever actually read it.

She started one morning when I had a screaming hangover, and was in no mood for it. I asked her "Just what does a bunch of Bronze Age mythology, superstitions, and fairy tales have to do with anything?"

She was shocked. I've known her since my teens. She said you don't believe the bible?

Nope, I'm an atheist, and don't believe in any of that crap.

I feel your pain, bf's mother is a nurse who advised me to see a male OB/Gyn because men are just "more knowledgeable".

I avoid family gatherings for the sake of everyone involved.

Loved that