Welcome to DU! The truly grassroots left-of-center political community where regular people, not algorithms, drive the discussions and set the standards. Join the community: Create a free account Support DU (and get rid of ads!): Become a Star Member Latest Breaking News General Discussion The DU Lounge All Forums Issue Forums Culture Forums Alliance Forums Region Forums Support Forums Help & Search

Binkie The Clown

(7,911 posts)
Mon Mar 5, 2018, 03:05 PM Mar 2018

As a compassionate atheist...

There are people I won't argue religion with. My mother is 96 and in failing health. She draws comfort from her prayer books, religious TV programs, and pastoral visits from her church. I would not take that away from her for anything in the world.

Under what circumstances do you, as an atheist, leave well enough alone?

20 replies = new reply since forum marked as read
Highlight: NoneDon't highlight anything 5 newestHighlight 5 most recent replies
As a compassionate atheist... (Original Post) Binkie The Clown Mar 2018 OP
At somebody elses occasion. Voltaire2 Mar 2018 #1
I try not to roll my eyes at church. Iggo Mar 2018 #14
I am not an evangelical atheist. missingthebigdog Mar 2018 #2
It pretty much takes someone Mr.Bill Mar 2018 #3
Same way you do. Faux pas Mar 2018 #4
I don't argue religion at all with believers. I won't change their mind, they won't change mine. Arkansas Granny Mar 2018 #5
What you said. nt Laffy Kat Mar 2018 #8
My uncle is dying from renal failure Farmer-Rick Mar 2018 #6
All circumstances. Laffy Kat Mar 2018 #7
I don't bring it up...it isn't worth my time and energy in trying to argue or defend BigmanPigman Mar 2018 #9
When my mom was dying, I didn't stop anyone from praying for her Heddi Mar 2018 #10
unless called on it... uriel1972 Mar 2018 #11
When my father was dying, I was okay with leaving it alone until... Freelancer Mar 2018 #12
That's a great story ProfessorPlum Mar 2018 #17
If they leave me alone? All day, every day. Iggo Mar 2018 #13
I try to avoid conversations about religion. I have a couple of SILs rurallib Mar 2018 #15
In real life? I don't discuss religion with anyone until I can gauge their level of comfort. trotsky Mar 2018 #16
Lots of people hold delusions for lots of reasons. I'm not taking them all on. lindysalsagal Mar 2018 #18
They are all future Atheist's, yortsed snacilbuper Mar 2018 #19
I look at it this way, if you're not an atheist now, ... Binkie The Clown Mar 2018 #20

Iggo

(47,563 posts)
14. I try not to roll my eyes at church.
Tue Mar 6, 2018, 06:11 PM
Mar 2018

But if the guy in the box would've giggled when he was alive, I'll giggle a little for him.

missingthebigdog

(1,233 posts)
2. I am not an evangelical atheist.
Mon Mar 5, 2018, 03:15 PM
Mar 2018

I do not engage or debate faith unless invited to do so.

I do not participate in public displays of faith, but am respectful of those who do, as long as they are not infringing upon my rights or the rights of others.

I don't go around telling little kids that there is no Santa, or adults that there is no God.

Mr.Bill

(24,312 posts)
3. It pretty much takes someone
Mon Mar 5, 2018, 03:17 PM
Mar 2018

insulting me as an Atheist or Atheism in general for me to get vocal about it.

Faux pas

(14,687 posts)
4. Same way you do.
Mon Mar 5, 2018, 03:19 PM
Mar 2018

My mom had Alzheimer's, the only things she could remember were me and her religion. I don't talk about religion with anyone I care about.

Arkansas Granny

(31,523 posts)
5. I don't argue religion at all with believers. I won't change their mind, they won't change mine.
Mon Mar 5, 2018, 03:19 PM
Mar 2018

I just don't see any good coming from opening that can of worms. I would wager that most of them don't know I'm a non-believer. I consider my morals and compassion to be at the same or greater level than theirs, I just do my good deeds from the heart and not with any idea that I will be rewarded in some afterlife.

My boss is a bible believing, church going man. He doesn't get preachy about it, but he lives and conducts his business by the principles he has learned. I can respect that. He has his doubts about me, however, since he found out that I believe in evolution, but we have never discussed our beliefs or lack thereof. I have worked for him for over 24 years now and consider him a good friend.

Farmer-Rick

(10,197 posts)
6. My uncle is dying from renal failure
Mon Mar 5, 2018, 03:20 PM
Mar 2018

He goes to dialysis three times a week and is getting sicker and sicker. I visit and let him go on about Jesus.

What's the difference at this stage of the game? I think his religious beliefs are making him feel a little better.

Now my mother at 85. She tells me if there is a God, she's going to have a few words with him about how things are.

Laffy Kat

(16,386 posts)
7. All circumstances.
Mon Mar 5, 2018, 03:42 PM
Mar 2018

I'm not going to change anyone's mind and they're not going to change mine. I'm fine with people believing in god or Bigfoot. If they find comfort, what I say is ... whatever gets you through the night. I'm cool. I don't think I could ever be in a relationship with a man who was a believer, though.

BigmanPigman

(51,621 posts)
9. I don't bring it up...it isn't worth my time and energy in trying to argue or defend
Mon Mar 5, 2018, 06:55 PM
Mar 2018

my decision and belief system. However, if someone mentions God or prayers I politely say, "I am an atheist" and go on with the conversation, not dwelling on it. Yesterday I drove a neighbor to get her medication and she had mentioned two weeks ago that she "has put her health in God's hands and will not take her meds as prescribed by her doctor for a severe mental health problem". I didn't say anything at the time but told her caregiver about her decision. I guess she is taking it now after all but yesterday when she mentioned something being "in God's hands" I thought, "OK, that is all I will tolerate. She is in my car and I am driving and do not need this crap" and replied, "I am an atheist" and she didn't say anything about God after that. Hopefully she won't in the future but if she does she knows what the reply will be.

Heddi

(18,312 posts)
10. When my mom was dying, I didn't stop anyone from praying for her
Mon Mar 5, 2018, 10:01 PM
Mar 2018

I let the slick haired preacher come in and pray over her, and the chaplain lady. All that shit. People prayed for me too. I didn't give a shit honestly. I just wanted it all to be over...she was on tubes and life sustaining shit even though I told them no. She never filed her DNR paperwork even tho she told me she did. It was too much. She was only 60. Pray. Don't pray. I just wanted it all to be done and over with. If they were praying for a swift and painless death for her, then that was great. More power to them. I knew she would have wanted it, she was far more religious or spiritual or whatever word she used...."I go to the church in my heart" she'd say. So I didn't sya anything. Hell, I begged for people to pray for her on FB because I knew that she wanted it. Honestly, It didn't matter to me but it mattered to her. I didn't believe in it (still don't). But never stopped anyone from doing anything that would have brought them or her comfort. That's just cruel.

Freelancer

(2,107 posts)
12. When my father was dying, I was okay with leaving it alone until...
Tue Mar 6, 2018, 03:01 AM
Mar 2018

Last edited Tue Mar 6, 2018, 03:34 AM - Edit history (1)

My cousin, the state cop, showed up and started filling my father with fear about going to hell. He had been at peace with having just a few hours, or days, until that asshole came by. After that, he spent part of one of his last hours sobbing like a terrified child. He looked at me with wild eyes, and asked me for forgiveness, and if I thought he was going to hell. I told him that there was no hell. He seemed shocked. Then he asked if I was an atheist. "Pretty close," I told my father. I said that something big would have to happen to convince me about religion.

He seemed sad then. He said he was sorry -- like my agnosticism was somehow another thing that was on him.

"What about heaven?" He asked. "Nope" I said.

There was a patch of awkward silence then. I thought about it and said "I do believe in the afterlife, though. For me, that's all the people still alive after me, and all the people who are going to live in the future."

"But, when you die, nothing?" He said.

"Everybody IS me, to one degree or another," I said, "Just not all in one package. Hell, you can find me in any trailer park in America -- 20% in this one, 60% in that one, but I'm there."

He liked that. He smiled.

About that time, his wife came in with some meds, giving me stern looks -- like it was time I got out. I said goodnight, and squeezed his hand. I went on home, planning to come back with some better answer the next afternoon.

He died at about 4:00 that morning. My stepmother said he seemed calm and peaceful, so I let myself think that what I indulged-in at the end was alright.

My level of agnosti-guilt about it is at about 2 (scale of 10). That's probably the best I could do, no matter what I'd done.

So... take from this what you will. [Shrug.]

ProfessorPlum

(11,267 posts)
17. That's a great story
Sat Mar 10, 2018, 01:55 PM
Mar 2018

I'm glad you were able to calm his fears. Hell is just about the cruelest creation of the human imagination.

rurallib

(62,433 posts)
15. I try to avoid conversations about religion. I have a couple of SILs
Tue Mar 6, 2018, 09:44 PM
Mar 2018

who I feel are a bit fragile on the subject of religion and I sincerely fear I may cause them to go over the edge were I even to tell them my wife and I are atheist.

I have just decided I won't push the subject and will just answer questions asked, unless somebody really pushes it.

trotsky

(49,533 posts)
16. In real life? I don't discuss religion with anyone until I can gauge their level of comfort.
Wed Mar 7, 2018, 03:07 PM
Mar 2018

On the Internet? If they're not an asshole, I tend to leave well enough alone. But assholes hate me.

lindysalsagal

(20,718 posts)
18. Lots of people hold delusions for lots of reasons. I'm not taking them all on.
Sun Mar 11, 2018, 10:15 PM
Mar 2018

I figure, unless I'm willing to "move in" and replace their crutch, I have an obligation to leave it undisturbed.

People who know me know I'm 100% god-free, so, if they want to discuss it, they know I love a good discussion.

I'm an evangelical athiest to the point of letting anyone who might be doubting know that they're not alone.

But I don't pretend to play along with rituals: I just keep quiet.

I just know that some people are already slipping into doubt and I don't like the idea that they are in the "I must be crazy" faze all alone: Lots of us are "crazy" enough to doubt all the voodoo.

Latest Discussions»Alliance Forums»Atheists & Agnostics»As a compassionate atheis...