This sudden death is bringing back a lot of drama for me. I lost my first husband when I was 27. He, too, was older than me. He had an ex who tried to take everything from me. She lost. When her children got older, they reached out to me. They knew she had been wrong.

I have been married to my second husband for thirty-six years. He is a good man. We love each other, and have raised three fine children. But being ill, and having all these memories resurface has been a challenge. The parallels, in many ways, are spooky. My daughter is a lot like me.

Modern medicine will, I hope, find that your cyst will be easily treated.

I hope, too, that you're tolerating the Coumadin well. I took my stepfather off of it and gave him aspirin instead.

He never had a stroke but died from other natural causes, but he had bad side effects from Coumadin.

Take care, stay strong.

Death is blow enough, the added complications of unpleasant and unreasonable people makes it ten times worse.

Work on your health, first, because without it, you cannot do anything else to help anyone else. That will take some of the burden off everyone, if one problem can be stopped or fixed. Then you can help, again. Best wishes.

... just lots of hugs and metaphorical tea. *hands you tea cup*

It's so hard when we have to deal with our grief and our health at the same time. I missed my father's funeral because I was too sick to get to my parents' hometown, and felt awful about not being there to support my mom.

I won't tell you not worry, but will gently remind you to get the rest that you need and to remember to eat and stay hydrated.

Keep us posted.

DLO

Remember what they tell us in airplanes - put on your own oxygen mask first, before taking care of those with you.
Your good husband understands and will put you first and take care of you.

You did the best thing by renting the hotel room at the time of your son-in-law's funeral.
Some of the problems of your son-in-law's family are beyond your ability to control or correct.

Obviously you want to be available for your daughter and her current needs, but at the same time, she doesn't want to see you ill and so concerned about her sorrow and burdens when you have your own immediate health concerns.

In past messages, you've mentioned going to Mass.
In that vein, I can only suggest that you give your problems and concerns to the One you pray to and honor.
Ask that One to hold your concerns at this time, to lighten the weight you are now carrying.

You are giving me good advice. However, going to Mass. is going to Massachusetts. My daughter lives there.

I am a Christian, but a Protestant. I will still take all your advice.

I have apologized to my daughter for being so bitchy to my husband and her father. She thanked me for that. I don't like myself much for doing that.

I'm glad you took it in the spirit in which it was intended.
Isn't that what they now refer to as confirmation bias. - we interpret words and expressions relating to our own likes and experiences.

Good of you to apologize to your daughter. Forgive yourself and let it go.
You have a larger concern until you hear from your doctor.

I have said to myself, when faced with a problem but needing peace and sleep -
"I can't do anything about it at this minute, so I'll place the problem on a shelf in the closet until it's time to deal with it, and at that time I'll take it down and do what needs to be done.

Peace, Muriel.

this evening, I found out that there are more concerns. I cannot mention some of the things the ex is doing on a discussion board. There are lawyers involved.

My youngest daughter seems to be coping. My son is another matter. He is angry with me. His wife could not come to the funeral with him, so he did not have her support. She was finishing up at a job she disliked, and starting a new job that we all hope is better.

My son worked at the same lab as Tom. He was given a week off for bereavement leave. My son loved Tom. Tom was revered at the lab. Everyone from the caretakers to the COO knew him, and had been helped by him. Tom ran a groundbreaking program there, and set up quark labs in thirteen countries. Everyone is trying to commiserate with my reserved son, and he is having a hard time even going to work. It is more than he can cope with.

I think I will leave my son alone until I can speak with him about my health. Then I will apologize for my bitchy behavior, and hope we can move on. My son and I have always been close.

Things are very tough right now. It seems that our time for mourning is being overshadowed by too many other concerns.

I have been through deaths and funerals before. I have never been in a situation like this. We are a pretty straightforward family, but this is like a bad soap opera.

load all at one time.
Each is suffering in his/her own way as each is affected not only by Tom's death, but all the attendant circumstances and aftermath.

You are level-headed in your response, though obviously upset, especially for your widowed daughter, who is being undercut and threatened.
At this time, when it seems you are being shelled from all sides, priorities need be set on what can be dealt with and what is beyond your control; then, of that within your control, which is most important, and which can wait its turn.

Your son's wife will be his prime support; unexpected death is especially hard on the young, as they haven't yet given a lot of thought to mortality. It may be very difficult for him, but he will come through this sadness.

May you get through this difficult week, Muriel, one day, one hour, at a time.
You'll be in the thoughts of those who offer support for bereavement and beyond.