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New Pew Poll Shows End Of Democratic Party As We Know It

PANIC, MOTHERFUCKERS!

A new Pew poll shows Romney up four (49-45%) with likely voters following last week’s debate. According to Twitter, blah blah sampling women Midwest Chuck Todd just DMed me and it was hot, but basically Obama has permanently and totally lost the election after Jim Lehrer didn’t have his back.

What, then, do we do, fellow Obamatards? Do we pick things up and work hard to get Barack Obama elected, making sure we and others turn out in droves?

Hahahaha, fuck you, that takes selfless effort. Blow me. Instead, let’s despair and complain on the internet, endlessly talking about how we could have run Barack Obama’s campaign, and then eventually turn into the Unskewed Polls guy. Paranoid accusations in the face of marginally bad news are no vice, dear people.

Alternately, just drink until Wednesday, when you wake up and find another poll that puts Obama up five (like, say, Gallup), then pick yourself up out of your pool of crusty 47% vomit and go into the job you hopefully still have until Obamacare puts all of capitalism out of business.