Did you forget YOUR Catholic Education? Don't even attempt to pull THAT over the eyes of Catholic school graduates.

We'll have to get rid of that too.

So, here's the deal Santorum is proposing:

Get the government off the back of the citizens. Let freedom ring and liberty flourish unless...

· You are a woman who wishes to use contraceptives - Ricky says that contraceptives are bad and make it possible for women to engage in behaviors that are sinful. Ricky's financial backer (don't care what the rat bastard's name is) suggested that women put an aspirin between her legs as a means of contraception. Really Ricky? Is it just possible that god fearing faithful loyal married good mother woman have been advised by their doctor that having additional children would put her life in danger. Let's further suppose that she and her husband prefer not to use condoms. I guess in your mind (Ricky) the woman (who could be very young in this example) should just quit having sex with her husband. By the way Ricky, what is you and your rat bastard supporter's position on the little blue boner pill?

· You are a grown responsible working tax paying adult family member who enjoys playing online poker. Again, in this instance Ricky and the rest of the Pilgrims feel it is their duty to use the Government to outlaw such enjoyment for the masses.

· You are gay and want to marry your life partner. This is more than you should be allowed to do as it offends the sensibilities of Ricky and his Pilgrim brethren so they want to enact a constitutional amendment to outlaw your ability to marry.

· You are a woman that has found herself in an unplanned pregnancy and wish to terminate the pregnancy early. Ricky and the Pilgrims cannot allow this either. Ricky says you must give birth and then go straight to hell if you are an unwed mother in need of assistance to support the child. Ricky and the rest of his Pilgrim flock will continue to tell you and your child to go straight to hell if you ask for help in providing school meals so that your child has an equal chance to learn as those with full bellies. Ricky and the Pilgrims value their greedy possessions more than showing kindness and generosity to your child.

· You are poor and cannot afford health care. Ricky says this is a good thing. It is our perfect system of survival of the fittest so if you are unable to earn enough money to afford adequate health care then you and your baby can go straight to hell and I (Ricky and the Pilgrims) can continue to build our stairway to heaven on your immoral back and keep all of our greedy possessions.

I could go on but I'll stop here. Again. If you are not a very rich and powerful person, I do not understand why you would vote republican.

http://politics-nobs.blogspot.com/

Love Andy Borowitz, but that title is just screaming for a 30 second spot.