Nation Clinging Desperately To Brief Inspirational Moment Before Being Thrust Back Into Raging

Election Maelstrom

WASHINGTON—Following Hillary Clinton’s primary victories Tuesday that presumably secured her place as the first woman in U.S. history to receive a major party’s presidential nomination, citizens across the nation admitted to reporters they were desperately clinging to the brief moment of inspiration before they are inevitably thrust back into the raging black maelstrom of the 2016 election. “Regardless of what you think of Hillary, her nomination is a historic step for women and for our country, and I’m trying as hard as I can to savor that simple fact for a few fleeting minutes before the grim, unforgiving tide of this election cycle rushes back over me and drags me under,” said Eagan, MN resident Caroline Geldmaker, echoing the sentiments of tens of millions of Americans who explained that they were extremely grateful for a break from their overwhelming feelings of anxiety and terror, if only temporarily, following a year spent at the mercy of a violent, ever-darkening political vortex and ahead of the five dreaded months of horror still to come. “For a few short moments, I’ve actually felt okay and almost hopeful, and I’m doing everything I can to not let go of this sensation, because make no mistake, the bleak, churning chaos of the election is going to return, and there will be no escape. God, it’s too horrendous to even think about.” At press time, the feeling was gone and the hideous realities of the general election had flooded back over the helpless nation.

http://www.theonion.com/article/nation-clinging-desperately-brief-inspirational-mo-53061