We'll never get to see that victory speech Romney wrote, but here's my best guess:

Transcript of Romney's victory speech:

Dear friends, today we have proven that hate and bitterness will always triumph over hope and the will of the people. I have proven that the rich and powerful don't play by the same rules as the middle and working class -when they show up to a job interview they aren't considered unless they show all the necessary documents, well I never showed my Tax returns, and no Republican will ever have to now that I've won. My victory proves that demonizing the 47% works, and releasing ads that frighten hard working Ohioans into thinking Jeep is shipping jobs overseas pays dividends.

Most of all I'd like to thank the Tea Party, if it weren't for you constantly questioning Barack Obama's citizenship, religion and love of America, we might never have succeeded in getting working class white men to once again vote against their economic interests and for more tax cuts for me and my friends. I showed that what you said before means nothing if people are willing to believe whatever you say today -my campaign was not dictated by the fact-checkers, and none shall ever be again.

God bless the 1% and God bless this brave new world!