Dissociated Press Release: Trump campaign explains what happened in Mexico-"Depends"

Dissociated Press: Donald Trump, coward, corpulent con-man and incompetent candidate for Commander in Chief, was unable to explain why he sounded so subdued and somber after his meeting with Mexican President Pena Nieto. As reporters shouted questions the normally ebullient Trump could only shake his massive orange head and appeared to be struck dumb. His voice raspy, mouth opening and closing like a beached goldfish he offered only whines and whimpers. He finally slouched away from the podium leaving surrogates stranded on the stage.

Reporters peppered them with more questions as they huddled together trying to cobble together an explanation. "We wanted something that would hold water," said Kellyanne Conway. "We finally realized that was unrealistic because Donald himself doesn't hold water." Conway admitted that during the meeting with the Mexican leader Donald had wet himself and that only his dark suit concealed the obvious evidence. She stated that she recognized the boistrous bully was in trouble when he doubled up on his Depends right before the meeting.

Conway denied that the accident was fear based. "He was just pissed off that the super absorbent diapers he used in the states were not available in Mexico City and that Melania had forgot to pack extras." She stated that the aging fraud thinks better when he isn't wet and chafing. She pointed to his much stronger performance in Arizona a few hours later as proof. "Once he is changed and powdered he feels like no one can touch him and frankly no one does."

Conway also reminded reporters that Trump was recovering from recent castration surgery and a prefrontal lobotomy. "This only proves what his doctor said about his health," she said defiantly. "Few men his age would feel like doing anything after that, but Don felt sure he could handle anything that wetback could throw at him."

Conway dismissed one reporter's observation that it was Trump's back that was wet right up to his shoulder blades. "Mr. Trump wears fine Egyptian cotton and that stuff wicks like a mofo" she said irritably. "But to be safe we are giving him a suprapubic catheter with a two gallon leg bag. I hope you fucks are happy now."