...and why the ERA still eludes us, for instance.

The first was the first one done and so on.

I don't think the 1st amendment being first is an accident.

Beyond that, its chronological.

...we, masculine humanoid earthlings, need to
be able to freely think, speak and religionize,
be armed to defend our turf and
exercise sixteen other rights,
before we can allow ourselves to entertain the crazy notion of letting women vote?

The bill of rights came 140 years before women were allowed to vote.

Here, in the civilized Netherlands, we already allowed our women to cast their vote as of 1922!
A full 6 years... eeerr, later?

Well, anyway, a full 27 years before we gave Indonesia - without any outside pressure, especially not from the US of A - their independence!!!

Mundanely, for anyone who wonders, Madison, as very much a believer in them, wanted them incorporated into the articles they applied to instead of tacked on at the end; but others won that one, so he numbered them to correspond to the order of the relevant sections of the Constitution. In this case, Article 1, section 8 about the powers of Congress and organization of defense.