First Annual Rethug Sequestrian Event

I'd like to welcome our viewers today to the first ever GOP Sequestrian Event. I can promise you a very exciting day. Let's get right to describing our competition. Our first two competitors are Turtle McConnell and Lucky Strikes Boner.

Our two competitors have quite a challenge today, as you know while they keep the 1% happy, they will over come the following obstacles:

1. Slash funds from Head Start

2. Furlough Air Traffic Controllers

3. Lay-off Title One school teachers

4. Lay-off FDA meat inspectors

5. Keep kids out of Head Start

6. Reduce our National Security

All while making sure President Obama gets the blame.

Well-it's about Post Time, and you can see our two competitors downing their pre-race drink consisting of Tea Bag dregs, and whatever else that allows them to scale these obstacles without a shred of empathy for anyone not of the one percent.