I'm sure all of the GOP'ers who want to "take their country 'back'" would jump on board with another black President. Maybe you can get Pete Sessions to be your running mate.

That Devil is a very busy guy.

the Devil's main purpose is to commit misdeeds and falsehoods. Nothing about those sexual harassment charges was incorrect. Mr. 6-6-6 should stay true to his party's slogan about "personal responsibility" and own up to his past, before he embarrasses himself further.

In an interview this week with RealClearAtheism, the Devil emphatically denounced former Godfather's Pizza CEO and disgraced presidential contender Herman Cain's claims that Satan was responsible for derailing Cain's 2012 presidential bid.

"Oh fuck no, don't blame that shit on me, Herman," the Prince of Darkness loudly exclaimed.

"It's not like I haven't tried to help the guy. I like him, I really do, but he can't take simple criticism. I told him how to turn Godfather's around without firing half the staff, but would he listen? And I gave him a recipe for edible pizza. Right out of the goodness of my heart, didn't ask him for his soul or anything. I went to Herman and I told him, 'look, dude, I'm sick of eating your shitty pizza so do it like this.' But what's he do with my great recipe? Throws it in the fucking garbage right in front of me. Only reason I even go to his restaurants is it doesn't taste like the box it comes in. It's close, though.

"And now he says I made women accuse him of sexually harassing them when he hadn't? You're shitting me, right? The dude thinks he's God's gift to women; he's probably guilty tenfold. I don't have the time to convince women to lie about fucking Herman Cain; I'm still working on the new circle of hell to put the Bush Administration in." When asked which Bush Administration he was building it for, the Devil said, "there's a difference?"

"But in case you're wondering," said Satan, "Herman Cain isn't hell-bound. You need a soul for that."

and not an actual campaign for President.