Obama Not Ruling Out U.S. Military Action In Congress

WASHINGTON—Following years of continued fighting and disorder in the troubled region, President Barack Obama revealed today that he has not ruled out taking immediate and decisive military action in the United States Congress.

Admitting that diplomatic outreach efforts in the area have so far proven unsuccessful, the president claimed that his administration is weighing the feasibility of committing combat troops to both the U.S. Senate and the House of Representatives in order to bring lasting peace and stability to the chaos-afflicted legislature.

“We have not yet made a decision as to how we are going to address this rapidly deteriorating situation, but at this point I can tell you that military action is indeed on the table,” Obama told reporters at a morning press conference, emphasizing that he is “deeply troubled” by the escalating hostilities and diminishing prospects for unity on the Congressional floor. “Clearly, sending our young men and women into this tumultuous war zone is not ideal, and I still hope to resolve the situation through peaceful means. But as the conflict continues to worsen, it becomes increasingly evident that the deployment of our armed forces may be our only real option.”

“We cannot stand idly by and allow this senseless mayhem to continue,” the president continued.

http://www.theonion.com/articles/obama-not-ruling-out-us-military-action-in-congres,34946/