"The senator will not be seen as a man who listens to the overwhelming majority of scientists over the loud, strongly held beliefs of conservative Republican primary voters," stated Rubio 2016 Spokesperson Renee Krieger, whose legs and the podium they stood behind were being lapped by gentle waves in the three foot deep pool of the first floor of Rubio 2016 Campaign Headquarters. "And what better place to do that than here in a building that sits right off beautiful Miami Beach," she continued, seemingly unnerved by the increasing water level brought about by high tide.

"Because all of this climate change nonsense is nothing more than people with facts claiming the sky is falling," continued a refreshed Rubio. He placed his now half-full glass on a nearby desk. "Except, of course, it is the ocean rising that scientists and liberals are using to fear monger and scare Americans with their unimpeachable data and outrageously accurate forecasts."