So if the percentage of reported cases with false accusations is measured at 4%, how does this egregious harm compare to the big picture?

Just under 1.5%. For the record, 2% is the average false criminal accusation rate per the FBI. This is certainly not scientific, and it can’t be. Too much of this analysis rests on the unknowable – that which is never calculated or tabbed. The point of the exercise is to show the potential impact of conservative impact expectations. The point is to show that the data used to justify these positions doesn’t do what you want it to do.

Sean – this hits close to home for me, because it happened to me.

Specifically: I had said no. Clearly and firmly.

I said no the first time he asked. I said no the fifth time he asked. And the twentieth.

We were alone; we were drinking. I hadn’t actually wanted to be alone with him in the first place, but he was “emotional” and “needed to talk” and I was trying to be Good Friend Girl. And every time I started feeling uncomfortable and got up to leave, he’d grab my arm and ask me to just stay a little longer, he’d stop pushing, he just wanted to talk. And like most women in our culture, I’m socialized to not make a scene, to be nice, to make people feel better. So I stayed.

I said no nicely. I said no crankily. I said no in a joking manner and tried to change the subject. I said no firmly in a tone that couldn’t be misunderstood. I said no so many times I lost count.

And then finally, after consuming massive amounts of alcohol and having been asked more than 20 times, I finally got tired of saying no and said yes. Because I was out of ways to say no.

Was I forced? No. Not really. Certainly not by violence or threats. Was it rape? Not… technically? Was it rapey? Yes. Do situations like that need to be criminalized? No. Do they need to be stigmatized? Hell yes.

Because while a situation like that may obey the letter of the “consent” rule, in that nothing actually happened until he wore me down to the point where I said yes, it completely ignores and tramples on the spirit of it. I very obviously did not want to do anything sexual with him. But instead of understanding that No means No, he took “no” to mean “ask me again in five minutes.” Instead of respecting my wishes, it became a game – if he makes me uncomfortable enough, if he pushes hard enough, if he gets me drunk enough to where I’m too tired to care anymore… can he “get me” to say yes?

No, talking someone into something against their better judgment shouldn’t be a criminal offense. But talking someone into something that they’ve already stated they don’t want to do IS sending the message that their consent doesn’t matter to you. And when it’s sex, it sends the message that they’re more interested in getting their dick wet at any cost than in making sure they have a willing partner.

And that is absolutely a part of rape culture.