why don't you run the first reading for the club?

Please just be sure that it is very well managed, easy to read (structure is important), kept in one thread, and give people enough time to read the chapters.

Maybe start a poll with some suggestions of books and we can take a vote for the first book.

seabeyond can start a poll about the choices if she wants. (I think she said in her summer reading thread that she was going to do that after a couple more days pass.)

I must have missed seabeyonds post.

Seabeyond if you are reading this, you gonna get it going soon?

do you think a poll is the way we ought to go?

wouldn't want to have anything cluttering up the place. LOL

Fat men rarely get treated as poorly as fat women. And a woman who is deemed unattractive or old has similar issues in our culture

So, yeah, it addresses the female experience with weight prejudice.

Weight/size acceptance issues are sort of new territory for me, so I've been reading a lot. I have found this is an area in which anyone not living with the prejudice needs a lot of education about it. I know I do.

1. When I was 19 yrs old. I was chubby. I had my first boyfriend. He was soooooooo good looking. I remember hearing girls talk behind my back saying how did she get that good looking guy. Oh maybe I was just a nice person who treat him with respect and he treated me with respect. He never pushed himself on me in any way. Oh he wanted to marry me but I was only 19 yrs old and certainly didn't know what love was about.

2. How many of you experienced someone say to you this. You are so beautiful if you only would lose weight. As if my outside face would be different. I was still the same person.

3. I wanted to be accepted so I would go out of my way to do this for friends and yes even my married friends. I would babysit for their children and never taking a dime. I did love their children but I kind of thought I would be included in some of their activities. Wrong. Found out later one of those fine friends talked about me behind my back. I cut the relationship right then and there. She never understood why I never went to her house. She would invite me over and over and I never went back. She finally understood not to ask me again.

4. I worked for the military for many years. I finally had surgery to lose weight at the age of 25. I just didn't have it in me any longer with yo yo diets. Well I have to say once I started losing the weight boy did I get the attention. But I wasn't the kind who ran around and dated just anyone. I was still a virgin and shy. Of course very body conscious. But one day while I was at work I saw the really good looking guy. He worked in the chaplains office down the hall. Well I like him even though he was younger than me but he wasn't pushy and was very respectful. I like that in a man. Well we hit it off and after 2 months I knew he was the one for me. He knew sooner like about 2 weeks. I surely wasn't ready for marriage at that time. But we got engaged and you should of seen the reaction at work. Again people couldn't see why he was with me. Of course there was this 40 yr old woman who had eyes for her daughter. Another girl was upset because she was engaged to an abuser for 8 yrs. Well it was funny. I have to say I am been happily married to the same man for 32 years now. Never regretted it one day.

5. I remember when going to a small store like a 7-ll on a military base to look to get my husband a treat. These 2 ladies were standing in front of the freezer door. I was waited for a about 2 mins and finally said excuse me I need to get in there side. Well they moved over and one said sorry. I went to reach for a strawberry pie (I hate strawberry myself) for him. The other woman looked at me and she said you shouldn't get that pie it is fattening. I didn't say anything and the other woman was embarrassed. I wish I had said something to her. Maybe like mind your own business. Or who died and made you the diet patrol. I think people should learn to keep their mouths shut if they don't know the person. Who are they to judge? Especially since you don't know what health issue a person might have.

6. Now at the age of 50 I started having medical problems from my surgery long ago. I gained back allot of weight. The interesting thing is my husband loves me just the same. He says it's more to love. I wished I was the way I am now back when I was younger. I realize now people are shallow when you look through rose colored glasses. I see good and bad in everybody. Skinny, fat, normal weight or whatever. God made us the way we are. It is that simple and I know god loves me and if you don't I can and have learn to say tuff shit.

i mostly see the good. then get knocked on my ass, lol. but, i mostly get good, too, so it is probably worth it. nah, it is worth it.

thank you for your story southernyankeebelle.

look. I found out that I love getting older. Some women are afraid of that. I feel sad for those ladies. It is great getting older with the one you love the most if your lucky to have a partner or friends and family.

most woman have been through something similar to this.

Isn't is just so sad?

Especially the other women who unwittingly are part of the problem. They live it, but to deal, choose to go along with it.

feelings when it comes to their weight. I find now that I am older when a person makes fun of you is because they see something in that person they don't like about themselves. I guess it's like seeing some preachers and people who hate gays. I really think they hate themselves because deep down they know what they don't want to face.

other. i have been doing a lot of thinking on it. when walking into public, watch what is happening. i have been automatically putting in the effort of ..... embracing .... the sisters around me, of all kind, spirit to spirit, not in judgment.

it really is an easy matter, and the more i do, the more it becomes a part of us.

i am seeing though, certain women, in a state of vulnerability that are protecting themselves out of a created fear, that dont allow that connection, enveloping, the same as other women. it has been interesting. i think that is an area i am going to start addressing. if women as a whole start looking at women as fellow sisters as a whole, rather than competition, and we share that in public, it is a ripple out. the more that create that ripple, the more we can change

what would happen in patriarchy hold, if women were not competing and battlin with each other.

that woman who said something to you, was afraid. she feels so powerless in her own struggle to hold her power of attractiveness that she took it out on you. it is too much a place in her life. it is the sad woman, and not for her ugliness to you. but for her insecurity she has to live every day.

you dont. you got to walk away.

she doesnt get to walk away from it.

I want to tell you that early evening I went to my granddaughter's graduation from kindergarten. It was really so cute to see these precious little angels. They had a Disney Theme were each little group presented one of the disney movies. My granddaughter and 4 others in her little group were 101 Dalmatians. Each child got to say a little something. There was this one little girl in her group that was chubby and shy as hell. You could see from the beginning when they sat down she was afraid. I think she was embrassed. When her little group got up she was suppose to say something so she stood there for a few minutes and I thought she was going to cry. She just stood there finally she moved over and each child did their little speech. Now this little girl wasn't my granddaughter but I wanted to run up to her and give her a big hug. I knew how that kid felt. It is a horrible feeling when they force you to do something you are very uncomfortable doing. I know this child will remember the rest of her life that moment. It is empthy I feel for her. But you know you are right. When I see someone in the store who isn't great looking but they try to look neat I always make it a point especially if it is someone who wouldn't get a compliment about anything to say oh the dress is pretty or gee you have a neat shirt on. Just alittle something to make that person feel good about themselves. It ususally brings a smile to their face and a nice thank you. Like I said before I have always been fat but neat. I do ocassionally someone tells me my dress is nice and even asks me where I got it because they were looking for something like that. I feel great. Everyone deserves compliments in life. You know you are so right about looking at the other person as a sister. I do feel the same way. Yes right about doing and making a point in a mall to connect in some way with your fellow sister. We have to do it for ourselves. That will help our future generations. Women are very hard on each other Again you hit the nail on the head. Thanks for sharing that. Hopefully others reads our comments and moves forward with it.

those performances or even all experiences of these kids as they go thru life, and i have an opportunity like you had last night, is not to come from a place of restricting myself, but go with what i feel. what i am saying is.... in the instance of that little girl, and her experience, i have always found some way to bring it to a positive. be it, after the show singling her out and a hug, and what a precious you, you are, or the moment she succeeds, clapping of support..... and the other parents will join in (if appropraite, we know)

whatever, we feel it in ourselves what the child needs. and when we trust in that, give, ..... it is a lesson for all, an experience for all, and a moment when we support and are one, instead of isolated in a spotlight of fear.

i have had so much fun with all the kids experiences over the years, their friends, and their classmates.

allow yourself the freedom of being your authentic self, it gives so much to everyone.

i couldnt agree more on the ... pass it forward.

in my mind and prayed to god for her happiness. She we as grown ups need to help these children no matter what their needs are if they want our help. Pay it forward is the right thing to do.

The man's voice behind the speaker was so wonderful! When I got to the window to pay, there was a young, overweight kid! I told him, "You have a fantastic voice! Have you ever thought about broadcasting or voice overs?" His face lit up! It was such a simple thing to acknowledge & always so fun to brighten someone's day with a genuine compliment.

Regarding Sea's comment, & yours, "Women are very hard on each other." I remember in high school being very competitive with my friends. One day in Home Ec, the teacher was identifying our face shapes. While doing this, she went on & on about how the perfect face shape is oval. Well, in our class, there was only one girl with an oval shape & the rest of us felt like crap! Instead, she should have said how each shape has it's own attributes & there are ways to accent the best of any of them. It seemed like a missed opportunity, but worse, it was just the way it was - we were more competitors than friends & that was encouraged, even by most adults. WTF?

Incidentally, within just a few years of graduation, I didn't connect with any of my high school friends & haven't since.

what sort of medical problems?

Ever since I saw a gastric bypass procedure performed, (in a PBS documentary from a few years back) I have been extremely critical of the idea of weight loss surgery. Yes, I understand many patients feel they have no other way to get their health concerns under control (and I do think it should be a patient's choice to pursue it if he or she wants to.) But it seems like such a radical step to me and I have read that the long term consequences can be detrimental to the total health profile.

If you don't want to share any more, that's fine, of course.

I weighed 310 lbs. I got down to 175 lbs. By the way I was happy with that weight. I never wanted to be skinny. I looked great at that weight. Well I don't know how much you know about this procedure and of course am not a doctor so I can get to technical. The main thing is they cut your intestine and tie it off. While they were in there they took my appendix and my gallbladder. I was 25 yrs old at the time. The one draw back is when you eat you have to go to the bathroom. So you learn to adjust to life that way. Your body doesn't absorb the things your body needs. So you find yourself in trouble.

I have Vit D problems. I have to take B-12 shots
I have to take Magnesium tablets
I have to take Calcium tablets
I have to take Potassium tablets
I have to take Iron pills
Evista

Then I have A-Feb (Irregular heart beat)I

I keep up going to the doctors to get my levels checked. Sometimes they are up and sometimes they are down. But once I hit the age of 50 I think things caught up. I ended up in the hospital to have a blood infusion. So I really have to keep up with that.

Again I have no regrets. Sometimes you do what you have to do. I will be 65 in Jan and I honestly can say am happy with my life. Each person must make themselves happy. If you decide to have this surgery do and don't look back. It is no different than a person who has a boob job or a face lift. Those are individual decisions. Whatever decision you make live with it.

you're one tough southern broad!

could have really helped me growing up better. I wouldn't of hated myself so much. When you are young you think your the only one. But now I realize everyone has something about themselves they don't like but then we must remember god made us this way. Learn to except what god gave you and stop insulting god. We are his art work. I just think he gave me alittle to much here and there. LOL. It's better to laugh and your friends laugh with you. If you cry you do it alone.

growing up in the 70's and 80's in calif, the fad was the shallowness of body. thru the game of control of the body, i spent a lot of time, too much time obsessing on the body. until in my later 20's it hit me, how much of MY life was wasted on this nonsense. my life. wasted. time and energy and thought on this crap.

at that point i was able to put it aside. though that me does a peek out every once in a while, to basically let that go, and regain life..... is so wonderful. and ya, looking back and thinking, damn i spent so much, too much time on this.

and for my body type, it truly was a waste of time, and there never was an issue. i totally created it.

actors have issues. No amount of attention is going to make a difference. As you said realizing that was the beginning.

by the way I was having problems today getting into the blog. Did you?

thank goodness. this is my favorite website.

Weight is yet another way women are pressured about their looks.

With me it wasn't weight, it was stuff like, why don't you do something with your hair, why don't you wear makeup, why don't you dress like a girl? And it is all different versions of "You would look so much better if you __________."

And I am like, hell, what about all the rest of me? You know, stuff I actually DO with my life?

I got it from my husband for years, and I get it from my BF now. BF isnt too over the top about it, but if I hear "can you just put on a dress" one more time.....

Depressing.

I am glad your husband loves you just as you are.

I am looking inside myself now wondering if I am dismissive toward larger women. I hope I am not... I am certainly never rude or mean... but I am going to try to be more aware.

Thanks again.

know how old you are. But let me save you the time I wasted.

Don't worry what others say. I don't wear makeup either. I am happy. If you don't want to wear it don't. Be who god made you to be. You got rid of that man you married. It was the best thing that happened to you. We your so called friends comment on the way you dress. Tell them I don't remember asking you if you like it or not. Or look at the person in the eyes and say Ask me if I care what you think. Or even you can say when I want a opinion I will ask you but til then keep your opinion to yourself. Or say gee have you looked in the mirror lately? I see you need an attitude adjustment. Finally get to the point and say you hurt my feelings when you say things like that especially since I didn't ask for your opinion and in the future keep it to yourself.

Sometimes people will just give you advice when you don't even ask for it. When you have had enough just keep some of those thoughts in your mind. Tell them god made you this way and you like his art work. They will finally get it. If all else fails they aren't your friends get rid of them like your ex husband. Life is to short. Be who you are and be around people who like you just the way you are. Having one dear friend is worth more than having a 100 fake friends.

That's what I learned in life. Yes I am the luckest woman in the whole wide world. I wouldn't trade what I have for nothing. I know it could have been different if I had turned the wrong corner.

I remember up until last year we had one high level manager at work who was very vocally critical of people he thought were too fat. To the point where he thought there was something "wrong" with them and basically could not take them seriously professionally. It was really offensive to me. (Even though I am of average size and weight.)

He did it to men as much as women. Equally opportunity size bigot, that one was.

I never heard him do it, I only heard other people tell me that about stuff that he had said. So I never had a chance to challenge his attitude.

But it really pissed me off when I heard about it.

I stopped caring what anyone thinks of my lack of intentional self-beautification long ago. I have been challenging my BF about why it is so damn important if I wear a dress or not. We're still hashing that one out.

really bad, don't you think? You see like a good person. I'm glad you don't take any crap from anyone. Has your friend answered why it's so important that you wear a dress or not? Funny how things effect others.

He "likes it when I show my soft feminine side".

Honestly that makes me want to barf.

I think it is weird.

All he comes back with is, "I can't help it if that is what I like."

If he didn't have other seriously great qualities I would be telling him to find a new girlfriend.

This one thing isn't a dealbreaker, but it bugs me that it even matters.

put a ring on you. Maybe then he'll feel he has that right to tell you how to dress. Then again on a really really special ocassion maybe you get in touch with your girly girl side on your terms and wear something special. But do it on your terms. That way he doesn't get any ideas, LOL.

That's the plan.

Weight prejudice affects men and women, though women much more so. I have posted elsewhere at DU on eating disorders, diet, nutrition, etc.

A related aspect of this is the way society has responded to the current obesity epidemic, framing it as a moral and individual failing. Unfortunately, this version of blame the victim ("America's favorite pastime&quot obscures the obvious: The obesity epidemic is an actual epidemic primarily caused by adenovirus-36. The virus in involved with roughly 30% of cases, and far higher percentage of those morbidly obese. We have known this for 20 years now, but to no avail.

to food. It isn't so easy to loose it any more. But I want to tell you that my weight has never prevented me from doing my job. I could work rings around many of the women I worked around. I was single and didn't have to run home to take care of a family. So I would do alot of the stuff that had to get done. Around the holidays I was the one who stayed because I was single and the married people had time to go christmas shopping for kids last minute. I never minded and my co-workers appreciated it. Even though I was morbidly obese I always looked nice. I had my dresses made for me. I always wore heels and handbags to match. I went once a week and got my hair done. I never wanted to be seen as sloppy because I wasn't. It would be nice though if people wouldn't stare. I feel that is so rude. Sometimes I'll tell them to take a picture it lasts longer.

I will tell you the worse group of people I have had that blows my mind are asians. They are down right rude to a heavy person. I don't take anything from them.

It has to do with attitudes towards you.

In the lab, animals infected with AD-36 gain roughly 60% more weight eating the same amount of food as those not infected.

yet somehow the opposite is simply inconceivable to the brainiacs who love far-bashing.

Idiots.

Anyway just wanted to post this: http://www.about-face.org/fat-shaming-the-judgments-in-the-jargon/

Hard to believe people can be so blind to their own ugliness and prejudice.

Hahahaha, just kidding. Such lack of self-awareness is sadly as common as dirt.

she is thoroughly disgusting