NEW YORK CITY, NEW YORK (The Nil Admirari) - Earlier today, Wall Street projected former Secretary of State Hillary Clinton would defeat U.S. Senator Bernie Sanders of Vermont for the Democratic presidential nomination, and eventually be the next President of the United States. Goldman Sachs CEO Lloyd Blankfein made the projection official with a wire transfer of hundreds of millions of dark money dollars from Wall Street financial institutions to Hillary Clinton's super PAC Correct the Record.

"Blankfein continued, "But just to make sure, the other banksters and I may have donated hundreds of millions of dollars to the super PAC Hillary is definitely not coordinating with on a daily basis. The law is pretty clear that I don't have to tell you anything about the money."