WASHINGTON (The Nil Admirari) - Today, a confidential memo between American corporate media outlets was leaked to TNA. The memo ordered all outlets to add vampire fangs to all images of Bernie Sanders in response to his win in last night's Democratic primary election in Michigan, and his refusal to accept the narrative Hillary Clinton was the inevitable Democratic presidential nominee.

The memo continued, "Additionally, all media outlets must now add fangs to all images of Bernie Sanders, and advance the theory he may be a vampire. Highlight his pale skin and unusual energy level for a 74-year-old man."