WASHINGTON (The Nil Admirari) - This morning, the campaign of Democratic presidential candidate Hillary Clinton announced the candidate was under the influence of shrooms when she voiced opposition to the Trans-Pacific Partnership (TPP) yesterday. Hillary Clinton confirmed she ingested "a lot" of shrooms just before claiming she opposed TPP, and confessed it would be ridiculous for Americans to believe such a statement in light of her negotiating and promoting of TPP as Secretary of State - and continuing to promote TPP after resigning.

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"Secretary Clinton ingested shrooms before stating she no longer supported a trade deal she worked on for years. Hillary also thought she was being followed by a polka dotted bear that was spitting fire at her while it played a banjo, and that has about as much footing in reality as her opposition to TPP," stated Maxwell Jinks, a senior staffer working for the Clinton campaign.