Pete Buttigieg Announces Bold Plan For 2,500-Mile Intercontinental River walk

SOUTH BEND, IN—Touting the benefits in tourism and business revenue that such a project had already brought to his hometown, 2020 Democratic presidential candidate and South Bend, IN mayor Pete Buttigieg announced Thursday a bold plan for a 2,500-mile intercontinental riverwalk. “At a time when Americans are more divided than ever, what this country needs is a riverwalk that will provide people from all strata of society with continuous strolling, dining, and festival opportunities,” said Buttigieg, gesturing to a watercolor architectural rendering of the Intercontinental Riverwalk that he described as his “core campaign plank,” which would revitalize the country’s heartlands by attracting sorely needed coffee shops, clothing boutiques, and artisanal cocktail bars in riverside locations stretching from coast to coast. “Whether you’re just popping down to check out one of our Nationwide Art Fridays or enjoying a relaxing date night of jazz quartets in Tucson and hyper-local food in Louisville, a riverwalk gives our citizens the chance to appreciate this great nation’s beauty through the unparalleled convenience of bike and pedestrian trails stretching from sea to shining sea. That’s why, if elected, this will be my first act in office.” At press time, the Indiana mayor went on to unveil diplomatic plans to broker a pact between Mexico, Canada, and the United States for a Transnational Farmer’s Market on Saturday afternoons.

https://politics.theonion.com/2020-presidential-candidate-pete-buttigieg-announces-bo-1833302082

Don't know if this has been posted yet but if Mayor Pete is being talked about in The Onion he is doing something right.