"Thank you, Donald Trump, for fighting for my right to be embroiled in a hush money scandal" [View all]

https://www.usatoday.com/story/opinion/columnist/2024/04/15/trump-court-stormy-daniels-hush-money-trial/73329270007/

(This is parody for those unfamiliar with Rex Huppke)

I would like to personally thank PRESIDENT Donald Trump for having the guts to sit in a Manhattan courtroom and stand up for my God-given right to face allegations that I slept with an adult film star and then paid her off in order to win an election.

Like most Americans, I have an ever-present fear that I will one day become embroiled in a hush money scandal involving an actress featured in the classic 2002 film “Trailer Trash Nurses 6." So I was both humbled and relieved to see Trump post this on social media before his trial began Monday morning: “When I walk into that courtroom, I know I will have the love of 200 million Americans behind me, and I will be FIGHTING for the FREEDOM of 325 MILLION AMERICANS!”

Damn right! MY president is out there fighting for MY freedom in the event I ever face a 34-count felony indictment charging me with scheming to benefit my presidential campaign by burying allegations of lurid sexual affairs.

That could theoretically happen to me at any time, so I thank the lord Donald Trump is willing to take the slings and arrows of the liberal law-followers who might attempt to hold me accountable for something “illegal.”

*snip*