General Discussion

fitman

(482 posts)

83. This is insane..

Fri May 24, 2013, 02:33 PM

May 2013

I graduated HS in 1980.. Many of the senior boys were dating(and having sex) with Freshman and sophmore girls who were 15..When I was a Freshman quite a few of the good looking girls in my class were dating seniors..

When I was a senior I double dated with my best friend and he took a Freshman girl to the prom..her dad was the mayor of our little town and we went to their house and he and the mom took prom pics..

NO ONE THOUGHT THIS WAS IMMORAL OR NOT NORMAL BACK THEN!!!!

I also remember guys who were seniors dating Sop/junior girls and graduating and coming home from college taking their gf's to the prom or homecoming..no one thought this was strange..this is how it was 30 years go.

Prison time/sex offender status for this girl Kaitlyn? No!!!!!!!!!!!.. What should have done was her dad(both set of parents actually) laid down the law, pulled her from school and send her to another or expell her form school.

To compare what happened here to an actual rape or assault is nuts.

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Is it okay for a 18 year old to have sex with a 14 year old [View all] snooper2 May 2013 OP

I voted no, its not OK. HooptieWagon May 2013 #1

I'm torn on how to answer this one Revanchist May 2013 #2

I just found a picture of my 14 year old aunt with her 30 something yr old husband - sammytko May 2013 #13

what state or country did they get married in? yurbud May 2013 #54

Texas sammytko May 2013 #93

in 1930 or so sammytko May 2013 #105

I wonder if they have changed the law yet... yurbud May 2013 #220

so we should drop those"sex with a minor" charges for Warren Jeffs - he did marry that 12 year-old DrDan May 2013 #110

That we live in a slightly less patriarchal time where girls are allowed to Ed Suspicious May 2013 #46

Warren Jeffs married a 12-year old . . . I guess that is ok as long as they officially marry? DrDan May 2013 #102

No it isn't Revanchist May 2013 #223

Warren Jeffs is in prison. Boomerproud May 2013 #262

exacrly where he belongs DrDan May 2013 #263

13 was like 20 a hundred years ago. MADem May 2013 #118

Marriage is also different from sex while dating, even today. merrily May 2013 #198

All I can say is that was then, this is now. Hekate May 2013 #147

Okay? No. A felony? No. tblue May 2013 #3

Best answer, I think. sibelian May 2013 #34

+1 Lil Missy May 2013 #47

The whole point of statutory rape is that the consent of children is invalid. merrily May 2013 #55

So should a 14 year old be able to obtain bc without parental consent? an abortion? cali May 2013 #71

Before you ask me questions, how about answering the one I already asked? merrily May 2013 #106

I answered you, honey. I don't think that teenagers having consensual sex should cali May 2013 #116

So, in your opinion, a 13 year old is mature enough to make decisions about sex and preganancy? merrily May 2013 #122

In which post had you answered me on the age cutoff? merrily May 2013 #135

Hmmm. merrily May 2013 #181

Adulthood comes in stages. The law used to recognize that before we went to "one size fits all" Hekate May 2013 #159

+1 BainsBane May 2013 #171

If the kids are in the same peer group Ms. Toad May 2013 #107

Would being in the same social circle, going to the same parties, etc. be the same peer group? merrily May 2013 #127

That isn't really that hard. Ms. Toad May 2013 #190

Sociologically, "peer group" is a more elastic term than middle school or high school. merrily May 2013 #192

It is an age range Ms. Toad May 2013 #216

What if its a 19 year old that was held back a year. Or an 18 year old who dropped out of HS onenote May 2013 #129

I would still follow the same rule. Ms. Toad May 2013 #175

Just for the record, the case this is referring to is not a statutory rape charge, it's 2 felony ScreamingMeemie May 2013 #156

Most things we call statutory rape aren't literally statutory rape Ms. Toad May 2013 #179

Great answer. Making the mistakes that teens make Ilsa May 2013 #154

This is me, right here. ScreamingMeemie May 2013 #155

Agree. Illegal, but not felony level Spike89 May 2013 #184

Agree Incitatus May 2013 #260

It depends. A flat-out zero-tolerance approach denies the humanity of those involved. Comrade Grumpy May 2013 #4

+1 n/t FreeState May 2013 #45

if it's consensual, it doesn't bother me cali May 2013 #5

Yep. laundry_queen May 2013 #174

Only if the age of consent is 14. And even then, closeupready May 2013 #6

Depends treestar May 2013 #7

Yes LittleBlue May 2013 #8

If they are mature Warty Oreos deaniac21 May 2013 #9

I'm a little shocked by the 20% of DUers who think that a child can truly give "consent" Nye Bevan May 2013 #10

Agreed... cynatnite May 2013 #11

How is 14 a child? Drale May 2013 #12

Post removed Post removed May 2013 #16

More difference between 18 and 25 HockeyMom May 2013 #18

TERRIBLE argument there. 39 and 30 is OK, so 20 and 11 should also be OK! (nt) Nye Bevan May 2013 #20

Speaking of MATURITY HockeyMom May 2013 #28

And a 14 yr old is typically WAY less mature than a 18 yr old. uppityperson May 2013 #38

Not always HockeyMom May 2013 #144

Which is why I wrote "typically". uppityperson May 2013 #152

The challenge is that this law Ms. Toad May 2013 #182

Should not be a felony. If there are extenuating circumstances, then moreso. uppityperson May 2013 #183

Correct. Ms. Toad May 2013 #79

Seriously? markpkessinger May 2013 #98

In Florida, 16 and 24 is okay... ScreamingMeemie May 2013 #161

I think thats too big a gap. HooptieWagon May 2013 #204

And it was actually 3.5 years and both girls were in high school. nt pnwmom May 2013 #134

I dated a 21 year old at 39, this year Ter May 2013 #189

Big diff. tween maturity and brain development & judgment skills of 21 vs 14 yr old. Honeycombe8 May 2013 #241

14 year olds cannot contract for magazines, let alone make decisions about sex and pregnancy. merrily May 2013 #58

they can and are tried criminally every fucking day in this country. cali May 2013 #91

Two very different issues, but I don't agree to trying them as adults, either. merrily May 2013 #99

As the Governor said MattBaggins May 2013 #150

do you think a 14 year old should need parental consent to have an abortion? cali May 2013 #15

I'm creeped out by DUers arguing that middle-schoolers can give actual "consent" Nye Bevan May 2013 #17

oh fucking please cali May 2013 #26

Some kids get their period at 9. At what age would you draw the line? merrily May 2013 #62

I would not criminalize voluntary sexual activity. Ms. Toad May 2013 #94

That is not true in every state. Some states criminalize only the adult's activity. And that is merrily May 2013 #115

I was speaking of two different things Ms. Toad May 2013 #186

The problem with age of consent laws . . . markpkessinger May 2013 #69

The 14 year old being discussed is in high school - Ms. Toad May 2013 #82

At 14, I was a freshman and sophomore (for a few months) ecstatic May 2013 #259

Should 14 year olds have surgery without their parents knowledge? Using your little trick KittyWampus May 2013 #117

it depends, doesn't it? cali May 2013 #217

At what age do you HappyMe May 2013 #21

And that's what really irritates these control freaks. n/t Egalitarian Thug May 2013 #124

But let them commit a crime. Then they magically become adults. Comrade Grumpy May 2013 #22

I am totally against that. "Try them as an adult" is generally bullshit (nt) Nye Bevan May 2013 #23

I consented to having sex repeatedly as a teenager. I think one or two others might have, too. Comrade Grumpy May 2013 #24

Me too. And when my sister was 15 she was screwing away with her 19 yo boyfriend cali May 2013 #27

I was sure looking for it, but the right situation never came up, then RKP5637 May 2013 #61

So at what age should birth control HappyMe May 2013 #39

I'm never shocked by how bothered Americans/Brits are about sex LittleBlue May 2013 #49

My problem is not having sex but the potential for coercion or abuse due to power differential uppityperson May 2013 #157

I raised a daughter who, had she decided to have sex at 14 Schema Thing May 2013 #187

How many 14 year olds do you know? Do you know how many are sexually active? morningfog May 2013 #244

I dont think any DUer has made that kind of a blanket statement. nt stevenleser May 2013 #265

Difficult question. OldEurope May 2013 #14

We consider them mature enough at 14 to have access to contraceptives LadyHawkAZ May 2013 #19

Holy sh*t....10 Duers picked "Yes" at this point. That's scary! cbdo2007 May 2013 #25

why is it scary? How do you reconcile, making bc and abortion accessible to a 14 yo cali May 2013 #29

Again, it is not just having sex but the power differential, like between a teacher and a student uppityperson May 2013 #40

bullshit. there is no comparison between a teacher and a student and two students cali May 2013 #65

It is nearly equally onerous. Ed Suspicious May 2013 #75

No bullshit. There can be and often is a large difference between 14 and 18 and the potential for uppityperson May 2013 #112

Nothing to reconcile. They should not be having sex with anyone. merrily May 2013 #66

I think teenagers having sex with one another should not be criminalized cali May 2013 #88

My only problem with the consensual notion... onpatrol98 May 2013 #196

Access to contraception should not be viewed of tacit approval of underage sex. Ed Suspicious May 2013 #68

approval? Maybe not, but the reality is that teenagers have sex cali May 2013 #97

Exactly. HappyMe May 2013 #103

The subject of the OP IS approval ('Is it ok?) - NOT "recognizing the reality" redqueen May 2013 #119

I don't have to reconcile it, it was just asking if we think it is OK. cbdo2007 May 2013 #151

generally speaking, I would say sure quinnox May 2013 #30

Child marriage is a scourge. redqueen May 2013 #41

Agree. It's one more way of exploiting female children for sex. merrily May 2013 #67

Line drawing is hard onenote May 2013 #31

a 14 year old's consent is tenuous? loyalsister May 2013 #168

No except in ery rare cases. Problem is not just 4 yrs but the power differential uppityperson May 2013 #32

No NewJeffCT May 2013 #33

I thought the younger girl was a FRESHMAN in HS HockeyMom May 2013 #35

I had to pass on this one. LuvNewcastle May 2013 #36

No. redqueen May 2013 #37

remember the case at hand is a same sex case olddots May 2013 #42

The OP does not resemble the case in the news FreeState May 2013 #48

Why would an 18 year old even think about having sex w/a 14 yr old? War Horse May 2013 #43

THIS redqueen May 2013 #53

Because the 14 yr old looks up to the older kid. Wow, a senior digs me! uppityperson May 2013 #162

Think High School senior and freshman. jeff47 May 2013 #247

Wasn't Kaitlyn 17 when the relationship started? HockeyMom May 2013 #44

+1 n/t FreeState May 2013 #50

I believe you are right. HappyMe May 2013 #51

Lesbian relationship HockeyMom May 2013 #63

Her parents are wackos... video FreeState May 2013 #77

WOW RockaFowler May 2013 #96

Holy crap! HappyMe May 2013 #109

It is not clear whether she was 17 when the relationship started. Ms. Toad May 2013 #76

She was 17 FreeState May 2013 #87

That says they knew each other - essentially (friends, acquaintances). Ms. Toad May 2013 #100

No it clearly says her GIRLFRIEND was 2 months shy of 15 FreeState May 2013 #128

The reference is just placing their ages when school started. Ms. Toad May 2013 #237

Her mother says 18. I've been going with the mother, because (although they're both involved in the ScreamingMeemie May 2013 #236

No, she was already 18. Birthday was in August, before school started. HooptieWagon May 2013 #133

Can we change this around a bit?? RockaFowler May 2013 #52

Then where do you draw the line? Is 16 and 13 okay? 15 and 12? randome May 2013 #56

But this case shouldn't have even gone this far RockaFowler May 2013 #60

Seniors can still prey upon Freshmen. There can be 4 years difference in ages. randome May 2013 #70

OK, but the relationship started when she was 17 RockaFowler May 2013 #101

Court documents say she was 18 when relationship began. HooptieWagon May 2013 #145

The relationship started last year RockaFowler May 2013 #191

stories all say she is a freshman. HooptieWagon May 2013 #193

Not now RockaFowler May 2013 #197

No such statement at your link. HooptieWagon May 2013 #200

Thank you, glad to see someone else sees this also. Agree with your points here uppityperson May 2013 #164

The way you make it flexible - Ms. Toad May 2013 #219

It's difficult enough to make those evaluations with adults. randome May 2013 #231

Who said anything about letting high schools making decisions Ms. Toad May 2013 #235

I like this post LadyHawkAZ May 2013 #246

Thank you. Ms. Toad May 2013 #253

It's amazed me too LadyHawkAZ May 2013 #254

At 20, people are theoretically more mature than they are at 14. merrily May 2013 #57

HS makes the difference HockeyMom May 2013 #73

Even biologically, the brain of a 14 year old is not fully developed. And then, there is experience merrily May 2013 #78

and neither is the brain of a 20 year old. there are huge variances between people cali May 2013 #104

And your point is that we should have different statutory rape ages for every individual? merrily May 2013 #111

Should be a parental issue... not a law issue. nt Pragdem May 2013 #59

Disagree. Some parents would sell their kids out for a dime bag merrily May 2013 #72

The question in my mind Ms. Toad May 2013 #64

I voted "no" but it's a bit more complicated gollygee May 2013 #74

No, but what happens if the 14 year old has had 20 sex partners already... Ter May 2013 #80

A 14-year-old who has had 20 sex partners gollygee May 2013 #114

Not disagreeing Ter May 2013 #188

a 18 year old is still just a teenager. def not felony worthy. we dont think they are smart enough La Lioness Priyanka May 2013 #81

This is insane.. fitman May 2013 #83

Back when a woman's place was in the kitchen. Ed Suspicious May 2013 #89

There should be a two tiered high school system where 9th and tenth can socialize Ed Suspicious May 2013 #84

I'm always mixed on how to best answer things like this, because to me RKP5637 May 2013 #85

Absolutely not, but whether it should be a serious criminal matter is a harder question. Donald Ian Rankin May 2013 #86

Why are you asking when you know it is not okay? Rex May 2013 #90

When my grandparents started dating, she was 14 and he was 18. They just celebrated their 69th Electric Monk May 2013 #92

Too much of an age difference there. That's huge when you're a kid. brewens May 2013 #95

In Florida, where the relationship took place... DreamGypsy May 2013 #108

Age/2 + 7 is the formula... tridim May 2013 #113

Interesting, did you make that up or is that formula from a source? Rex May 2013 #123

I think it came from Ann Landers, years ago. HooptieWagon May 2013 #142

I like it, think I will use it or advice people that ask about Rex May 2013 #148

I first heard of it 30-35 years ago. HooptieWagon May 2013 #153

So true. Rex May 2013 #173

and if (your age) + (number of children you have) = 40 LadyHawkAZ May 2013 #242

This is one of those messy ones where individuals have to be considered Warpy May 2013 #120

The day before Kaitlyn turned eighteen the two girls were: 17 and 15 Tx4obama May 2013 #121

Not true. Kaitlyn turned 18 in August, according to court documents. HooptieWagon May 2013 #149

Sordid tale of an 18, 17, and 14 year old HockeyMom May 2013 #125

NO its not!! wtf?? darkangel218 May 2013 #126

well, looks like close to 20 quinnox May 2013 #130

Whoever replied to me, youre on my iggy, i cant see your post. darkangel218 May 2013 #131

good to know, lol quinnox May 2013 #140

So, do you think my grandma should press charges? Electric Monk May 2013 #132

I dont know about your grandma, but i think a 14 year old is not mature enough to consent darkangel218 May 2013 #141

Many things were different 69 yrs ago. uppityperson May 2013 #170

There's more to it than age. hunter May 2013 #136

Trash thread. Iggo May 2013 #137

lol quinnox May 2013 #139

Not OK, but shouldn't be illegal. KamaAina May 2013 #138

Why? Are you planning on it? We used to call those girls jail bait for a reason Hekate May 2013 #143

14 is also high-school freshman. jeff47 May 2013 #248

And? Hekate May 2013 #255

I was 15 and had sex with a 19 year old woman. Apophis May 2013 #146

Post removed Post removed May 2013 #158

Not in Florida. ScreamingMeemie May 2013 #167

good lord cyberswede May 2013 #169

Maybe, maybe not. Why is this the hot topic on DU? Quantess May 2013 #160

An 18-year-old high school student is currently being charged ScreamingMeemie May 2013 #163

Oh, okay, thanks. (no text) Quantess May 2013 #166

I gotta agree. DU is full up to the eye balls of pseudo-liberals. RC May 2013 #228

Ok. Did the world just implode without me noticing? Ms. Toad May 2013 #239

Formula says yes ThoughtCriminal May 2013 #165

You've got your sign the wrong way round, so your answer should be 'no, it's not OK' muriel_volestrangler May 2013 #266

How about "we" post the case this is in reference to? ScreamingMeemie May 2013 #172

I'm one of the 13 who voted that I choose not to answer. MineralMan May 2013 #176

I honestly don't know. ZombieHorde May 2013 #177

Purely word for word... no way. defacto7 May 2013 #178

It depends H2O Man May 2013 #180

I don't pretend to know one way or the other... LanternWaste May 2013 #185

The question isn't if you are mature enough to handle sex, its if you are able to care for a baby. dkf May 2013 #194

Thats a nice heterocentric view. n/t FreeState May 2013 #202

Sweet! Gays can have sex at 10! jeff47 May 2013 #249

And you can't prosecute them. dkf May 2013 #250

Actually, you can. Because statutory rape laws aren't about pregnancy. jeff47 May 2013 #252

The original taboo is due to pregnancy. The societal heebie jeebies came later. dkf May 2013 #257

By your 'sensible' rules, men with a vasectomy would get a pass, as would anal and oral sex muriel_volestrangler May 2013 #267

that which may be ill advised should not necessarily be criminal Douglas Carpenter May 2013 #195

what does that mean - "discouraged" DrDan May 2013 #209

It ain't the same as a 45-year-old banging a 5-year-old. backscatter712 May 2013 #199

are you suggesting that there should be no minimum age? DrDan May 2013 #203

So do you think she should be charged with a felony and sent to prison? backscatter712 May 2013 #205

I think there should be guidelines relative to ages DrDan May 2013 #207

I didn't read it as that at all. I think the poster was applying common sense. ScreamingMeemie May 2013 #206

don't the guidelines need to be specific? does a 14 year old having sex with someone who DrDan May 2013 #208

3 years, 6 months in the case this alludes to. ScreamingMeemie May 2013 #210

so an 18 year old and a 12 year old are ok . . . . DrDan May 2013 #214

12 year olds are in high school? n/t FreeState May 2013 #221

no DrDan May 2013 #222

Where did the age 12 come from then? n/t FreeState May 2013 #225

"6 most in the case this alludes to." DrDan May 2013 #227

Thanks, Im lost too LOL ;) n/t FreeState May 2013 #229

Phone mistake. 3 years, 6 months. ScreamingMeemie May 2013 #233

I was on my phone. That should read months. ScreamingMeemie May 2013 #232

What I think... davidn3600 May 2013 #211

concern over where students "can go" and students having sex are two DrDan May 2013 #212

Not going to participate in this poll but I do have an opinion justiceischeap May 2013 #201

That would make them emotionally pretty close to the same age. Live and Learn May 2013 #213

hmmmm - I would agree that is true for the 14 year old . . . not so much for an 18 year old DrDan May 2013 #215

A factor thats being ignored in the discussion... HooptieWagon May 2013 #218

Both girls in this story were virgins before they had sex FreeState May 2013 #224

But in a general sense (since thats what the thread posits) HooptieWagon May 2013 #230

+1 DrDan May 2013 #226

It really depends BlueStreak May 2013 #234

I answered no, but the truth Yo_Mama May 2013 #238

Is it ok? burnodo May 2013 #240

If consensual, yes. morningfog May 2013 #243

Has no one seen Europe's age of consent? Half of Europe is age 14 and 15. davidn3600 May 2013 #245

i'm 71. back in my day in high school many DesertFlower May 2013 #251

14 year old boys... kentuck May 2013 #261

No, Not OK Vogon_Glory May 2013 #256

I don't think it's OK but I wouldn't prosecute any moobu2 May 2013 #258

Not OK. But I need to know more before I prosecute the 18 year old. stevenleser May 2013 #264