General Discussion

TDale313

(7,820 posts)

186. Nothing, and I mean nothing...

Sat Dec 7, 2013, 03:05 PM

Dec 2013

That you did or didn't do made this happen. This wasn't your fault, no matter how drunk you happened to be. This is on him, not you.

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I was raped this week, ask me anything [View all] Prism Dec 2013 OP

Are you getting the help you need? JaneyVee Dec 2013 #1

I have no question but one--are you getting the help you need to deal with this trauma? nt MADem Dec 2013 #2

I'm ok Prism Dec 2013 #6

Funny thing about stoicism; it's a short term fix, but long haul, eh, not so much. MADem Dec 2013 #22

I agree with you Prism Dec 2013 #66

Message auto-removed Name removed Dec 2013 #80

If you know of a crisis center nearby, maybe you should think about calling or dropping in. MADem Dec 2013 #86

If you do decide you want to speak to a professional or a rape counselor... Chan790 Dec 2013 #64

What wonderful resources, and so well laid out. Best response in this thread! nt MADem Dec 2013 #88

Yes! This is a great resource! n/t pnwmom Dec 2013 #90

Thank you Prism Dec 2013 #112

I just want to say the advice from Chan790, MAdem, and pnwmom are what makes this site worth it's adirondacker Dec 2013 #188

+1 RainDog Dec 2013 #196

No! No No NO NO!!!! Le Taz Hot Dec 2013 #83

I encourage you to talk to a rape counselor even though you're doing okay. pnwmom Dec 2013 #89

I will take advantage Prism Dec 2013 #114

No one can decide except for you. But I hope will be open to the idea pnwmom Dec 2013 #124

Trust me being stoic isn't nearly enough I'm a male I was raped as a child Arcanetrance Dec 2013 #134

Stoic just means you can put it in a jar and put a lid on it.... DonRedwood Dec 2013 #175

I'm sorry. Blue_In_AK Dec 2013 #3

Has an arrest been made? Rochester Dec 2013 #4

I did not report it Prism Dec 2013 #8

Why not? nt Deep13 Dec 2013 #164

I'm so sorry this happened to you. BanzaiBonnie Dec 2013 #5

Message auto-removed Name removed Dec 2013 #7

It was an acquaintance Prism Dec 2013 #9

Message auto-removed Name removed Dec 2013 #13

No Prism Dec 2013 #15

Message auto-removed Name removed Dec 2013 #25

I don't understand yours. rug Dec 2013 #51

People respond differently to abuse. joshcryer Dec 2013 #126

You know neither Prism nor the other man. sibelian Dec 2013 #132

THANK YOU! Behind the Aegis Dec 2013 #133

How incredibly kind of you to make a victim of rape responsible for rape. Disgusting. idwiyo Dec 2013 #148

Message auto-removed Name removed Dec 2013 #150

I repeat: your post is disgusting. Prism, please ignore this crap, and accept my apologies. idwiyo Dec 2013 #152

This is on e of the most repellent posts I've ever seen on DU. rug Dec 2013 #158

AUTOMATED MESSAGE: Results of your Jury Service Capt. Obvious Dec 2013 #160

4 more people think that blaming the victim is OK. I am speechless. idwiyo Dec 2013 #162

Another shining example of jury system failure. L0oniX Dec 2013 #238

Go and stand by someone with some sense. sibelian Dec 2013 #161

I also did not report my rape over 20 years ago. And i find the suggestion that Prism is somehow peacebird Dec 2013 #204

Only a total scum will ever suggest something like it. I am sorry you had to read this shit. idwiyo Dec 2013 #209

STOP IT! me b zola Dec 2013 #141

Stop It! manwithoutaface Dec 2013 #156

I don't know what the hell to say or do, I just wish I could somehow help. idwiyo Dec 2013 #241

Prism, I'm trying to get through to you here. Le Taz Hot Dec 2013 #87

your life is wrecked but you fear his life getting wrecked? Skittles Dec 2013 #127

Why are you lecturing a victim? Behind the Aegis Dec 2013 #128

he states he fears wrecking a rapist's life Skittles Dec 2013 #129

And yet... Behind the Aegis Dec 2013 #131

Making a rape victim responsible for rapists actions is disgusting. idwiyo Dec 2013 #242

This message was self-deleted by its author polichick Dec 2013 #145

Do you understand that it was in no way your fault? Mariana Dec 2013 #10

I do, thanks =) Prism Dec 2013 #12

Message auto-removed Name removed Dec 2013 #11

Do you think the rapist became a rapist because of watching rape porn? Bonobo Dec 2013 #14

This message was self-deleted by its author NYC_SKP Dec 2013 #18

No Prism Dec 2013 #19

That happened to me once. Blue_In_AK Dec 2013 #29

Fragmented memory Prism Dec 2013 #32

I'm really, really sorry. Blue_In_AK Dec 2013 #52

Thank you Prism Dec 2013 #59

Aren't you in a committed relationship? PassingFair Dec 2013 #174

unbelieveable... Whisp Dec 2013 #33

It's a fair question and Prism was kind enough to share his experience. Bonobo Dec 2013 #47

I agree it was tasteless to say that on this thread. You should be more sensitive to the topic here. nomorenomore08 Dec 2013 #201

An agenda wrapped in the veneer of a "fair question" might be more accurate LanternWaste Dec 2013 #244

Remarkably cold response. And sad. Luminous Animal Dec 2013 #46

It was a fair question. Bonobo Dec 2013 #48

Shitty way to try and score some kind of points around here, wow. bettyellen Dec 2013 #176

Odd question painesghost Dec 2013 #110

There have been a large number of threads recently about pornography simulating rape and possibly sibelian Dec 2013 #159

oh. n/t painesghost Dec 2013 #190

Christ. joshcryer Dec 2013 #125

Unbelievably cold. myrna minx Dec 2013 #147

Seriously?!? TDale313 Dec 2013 #172

There have been few times when a post of yours has taken me aback. This is one of them. uppityperson Dec 2013 #180

This thread is not about that. MineralMan Dec 2013 #230

You're missing something. A-Schwarzenegger Dec 2013 #233

you should report them , what if they rape someone else ? JI7 Dec 2013 #16

I am conflicted Prism Dec 2013 #23

i think the way you are looking at this is wrong regardless of whether you report him JI7 Dec 2013 #27

Given my personality Prism Dec 2013 #38

in the end, you have to do what is right for you regardless, if you want to move on as long as you loli phabay Dec 2013 #49

I'm not saying mine is the right reaction Prism Dec 2013 #62

i am going to tell you from experience , whatever you decide to do as long as its your decision is t loli phabay Dec 2013 #68

Yes Prism Dec 2013 #74

just remember buddy, its about you being able to move on, no regrets loli phabay Dec 2013 #76

That's what you hope you can do BainsBane Dec 2013 #91

Nice guys don't have sex with blacked out people BainsBane Dec 2013 #31

It has changed my perception of him Prism Dec 2013 #43

He's a dangerous person BainsBane Dec 2013 #44

amen Liberal_in_LA Dec 2013 #215

Do you blame yourself somewhat, for putting yourself in a position of vulnerability? Electric Monk Dec 2013 #37

I do feel responsible to that extent Prism Dec 2013 #42

You do know that Tree-Hugger Dec 2013 #94

I don't Prism Dec 2013 #99

You didn't ask to be raped. Being drunk doesn't mean "open season" for rapists. I'd press charges. Electric Monk Dec 2013 #105

if you were drunk, a truly nice person would take care of you magical thyme Dec 2013 #199

"You will not be ruining his life if you turn him in. He is ruining his own life by being a rapist." Matariki Dec 2013 #203

hey Skittles Dec 2013 #130

If he had done this to someone you love, would you be giving him the same benefit of the doubt? Squinch Dec 2013 #171

I'm so sorry that happened to you, Prism. Whisp Dec 2013 #39

Maybe Prism Dec 2013 #45

this would be the problem if you do report it, though i believe you it gets into the he said he said loli phabay Dec 2013 #118

Then you need to explain it to him before Ilsa Dec 2013 #140

He ruined his own life the moment he raped you. Vashta Nerada Dec 2013 #63

I don't want to send him to prison Prism Dec 2013 #69

This is between him and the law. Barack_America Dec 2013 #219

"Generally nice guys" don't rape . Captain Stern Dec 2013 #72

J17 brings up a real important point, I think. Warren DeMontague Dec 2013 #120

While certainly good points, there is also the issue of how this could affect Prism. Behind the Aegis Dec 2013 #122

I agree 100%. Warren DeMontague Dec 2013 #123

Nice guys are not rapists. Really. Rapists are not nice guys. Luminous Animal Dec 2013 #121

I'm sure it's not an easy decision. lumberjack_jeff Dec 2013 #167

I often disagree with what you write but in this case, you hit it dead on. +10000 uppityperson Dec 2013 #184

You are what matters. If he chose to do something wrong, that was his choice. HE chose to ruin uppityperson Dec 2013 #182

Right off I don't have any questions, just hope your gonna BootinUp Dec 2013 #17

I'll be ok Prism Dec 2013 #20

Ok, something has come to my mind BootinUp Dec 2013 #53

This happened Monday Prism Dec 2013 #102

You are still in the immediate shock that follows such an experience. Sheldon Cooper Dec 2013 #146

You should, at the VERY least, insist on proof that he has a clean bill of health. PassingFair Dec 2013 #178

I know I speak for many here when I say we support you and we want you to stick around. Bjorn Against Dec 2013 #21

Thank you n\t Prism Dec 2013 #26

Do get some professional support. Cleita Dec 2013 #24

I'm weirdly ok Prism Dec 2013 #30

That's because you are in shock. You need to speak to a professional. Cleita Dec 2013 #36

I'll think about it Prism Dec 2013 #71

I'm sorry that you went through such an awful asault BainsBane Dec 2013 #28

I don't want to ruin a life Prism Dec 2013 #50

He has doubtless ruined countless lives. BainsBane Dec 2013 #55

I honestly can't comprehend the pain you must be feeling but I hope this helps in some way.... Rowdyboy Dec 2013 #34

I'm talking here Prism Dec 2013 #57

Nothing, and I mean nothing... TDale313 Dec 2013 #186

If you can talk to him...Tell him first hand what a dispicable act he has done to you and Auntie Bush Dec 2013 #191

This will not go away easily, even if you're being "stoic" AuntFester Dec 2013 #35

I appreciate that Prism Dec 2013 #75

As a survivor I understand the chaos in your mind.... alittlelark Dec 2013 #40

It's almost . . . Offensive Prism Dec 2013 #77

My take BainsBane Dec 2013 #92

It's very removed Prism Dec 2013 #98

That's disassociation BainsBane Dec 2013 #101

Denial is the first and most prevalent feeling.... alittlelark Dec 2013 #109

A mnemonic device I've learned to describe the stages of the grieving process is: HAD BAD Electric Monk Dec 2013 #111

good advice. salin Dec 2013 #170

I am a survivor as well salin Dec 2013 #166

I am so sorry prism kcdoug1 Dec 2013 #41

Thank you n/t Prism Dec 2013 #78

You already did the hard part. You survived. He didn't win. Warpy Dec 2013 #54

do you think he is going to rape again? jamzrockz Dec 2013 #56

Seriously disgusting insensitive questions. nt Mnemosyne Dec 2013 #96

I don't know, and no Prism Dec 2013 #104

Oh Prism UtahLib Dec 2013 #113

Sorry, I was unclear Prism Dec 2013 #116

Oh honey, I'm so sorry. May I offer a word of caution? nolabear Dec 2013 #58

Thanks Prism Dec 2013 #106

I hope this is not the last thing you post there. rug Dec 2013 #60

I am a rape survivor and I am so sorry this happened to you. hrmjustin Dec 2013 #61

I remember your story Prism Dec 2013 #107

I will not presume sarisataka Dec 2013 #65

Thank you for that n/t Prism Dec 2013 #108

I'm not going to ask you anything. LadyHawkAZ Dec 2013 #67

your a class act az loli phabay Dec 2013 #70

I'm really sorry this happened to you. KitSileya Dec 2013 #73

I wish you a speedy Niceguy1 Dec 2013 #79

All I can say is that you're not alone. Le Taz Hot Dec 2013 #81

(((hug))) nt ZombieHorde Dec 2013 #82

I'll not ask you anything, either. But I understand. countryjake Dec 2013 #84

As a fellow host, LadyHawkAZ, has said, there is a group here if you need it. Behind the Aegis Dec 2013 #85

I am so sorry this happened. TDale313 Dec 2013 #93

blessings to you catrose Dec 2013 #95

... Mnemosyne Dec 2013 #97

Prism I am so sorry. :( polly7 Dec 2013 #100

I have something to ask. REP Dec 2013 #103

I had a similar situation, a roomate , I was late twenties. Kurovski Dec 2013 #115

Very, very sorry Prism. I would echo what others have said and hope that you are doing what Warren DeMontague Dec 2013 #117

Thank you everyone Prism Dec 2013 #119

+1 n/t Smarmie Doofus Dec 2013 #155

Sorry to see this, no questions. Take care of yourself. n/t Tuesday Afternoon Dec 2013 #169

I'm so sorry this happened. bravenak Dec 2013 #135

Oh no, I'm so sorry! TorchTheWitch Dec 2013 #136

. myrna minx Dec 2013 #137

... JackBeck Dec 2013 #213

Hi Prism... sibelian Dec 2013 #138

((hugs)) Starry Messenger Dec 2013 #139

I am so sorry that you were assaulted. mstinamotorcity2 Dec 2013 #142

Are you really OK? It's not my place to judge or even know your answer -- but you owe it to yourself struggle4progress Dec 2013 #143

I just want you to be well. idwiyo Dec 2013 #144

Love to you gollygee Dec 2013 #149

So sorry this happened to you maddezmom Dec 2013 #151

Oh God. I don't even know what to say. HappyMe Dec 2013 #153

I'm sorry that happened to you ecstatic Dec 2013 #154

Oh Prism MuseRider Dec 2013 #157

+1. n/t JackBeck Dec 2013 #212

I'm so sorry this happened to you. TroglodyteScholar Dec 2013 #163

No question -- I think you're brave for posting aikoaiko Dec 2013 #165

My heart broke when I read your post. I am so sorry this happened to you. Squinch Dec 2013 #168

I'm so sorry that you were raped. Are you seeing a rape councilor? In_The_Wind Dec 2013 #173

Join the club of survivors. xmas74 Dec 2013 #177

I am so sorry this happened to you! mecherosegarden Dec 2013 #179

All I want to know is that you are OK and getting the support you need. catbyte Dec 2013 #181

Prism, I just hope you're okay LittleBlue Dec 2013 #183

In your state mercuryblues Dec 2013 #185

Prism all the best. Puglover Dec 2013 #187

+1. n/t JackBeck Dec 2013 #211

Please don't think this person has a moral compass beyond rape... Tikki Dec 2013 #189

Post removed Post removed Dec 2013 #192

How awful/unkind/despicable of you to question his truthfulness. Auntie Bush Dec 2013 #193

I'm so sorry you were subjected to such a horrible experience. It happened to me many years ago louslobbs Dec 2013 #194

What advice would you give a friend in this situation? westerebus Dec 2013 #195

^^^^This! Right now, your brain is distancing you from it. That is a good protection, and Squinch Dec 2013 #208

So sorry to hear this happened to you. stevenleser Dec 2013 #197

Message auto-removed Name removed Dec 2013 #198

he has in various spots through out this thread La Lioness Priyanka Dec 2013 #200

It's a horrible enough thing to have happen... liberalmuse Dec 2013 #202

Message auto-removed Name removed Dec 2013 #205

Wow, the not reporting it part is an issue with me. Why worry about ruining their life??? n-t Logical Dec 2013 #206

The impact of the decision on his own life merits (at least) equal consideration. n/t lumberjack_jeff Dec 2013 #207

i'm so sorry and hope you get the help you need. DesertFlower Dec 2013 #210

I'm so sorry this happened. CFLDem Dec 2013 #214

Why does this have zero recs? DU is weird. closeupready Dec 2013 #216

Try reading the thread rather than trumping your petty agenda BainsBane Dec 2013 #217

No thanks, little one. My point stands. closeupready Dec 2013 #218

You seem to be quite disturbed by her comment, though. Sheldon Cooper Dec 2013 #229

Reading this thread it is clear that members not only take male rape seriously BainsBane Dec 2013 #240

Well, so far, I'm the only one who recommended it... MrMickeysMom Dec 2013 #220

I just recced for wider exposure. I didn't know whether to rec for that or if it'd be taken as appro uppityperson Dec 2013 #221

People haven't rec'd it because it is horrible news BainsBane Dec 2013 #223

I don't rec things that are horrible, it doesn't feel right to me. Warren DeMontague Dec 2013 #227

Normally I don't either but just did maddezmom Dec 2013 #232

I think a lot of people are of that mind, too. closeupready Dec 2013 #234

I think rec is largely used to express approval for whatever sentiment the post appears to express. sibelian Dec 2013 #228

Has it not occured to you xulamaude Dec 2013 #237

Prism I have stayed out of this thread for fear of not really knowing what to say to you. William769 Dec 2013 #222

I'm so sorry this has happened to you. Jamastiene Dec 2013 #224

Thank you for sharing your own experience here. closeupready Dec 2013 #235

I'm.....I'm.....so sorry you went thru this. ='( AverageJoe90 Dec 2013 #225

I'm sorry that this happened to you. I'm glad you are talking this over with DUers. w4rma Dec 2013 #226

. graywarrior Dec 2013 #231

I am so sorry. Be well, and take care of yourself. nt msanthrope Dec 2013 #236

How terrible. There really are no words that can convery question everything Dec 2013 #239

No questions, just hoping that thucythucy Dec 2013 #243

So very sorry, Prism. Rape is a horrible experience. Zorra Dec 2013 #245

I am so grieved to hear this. Please take care of yourself steve2470 Dec 2013 #246

Fuck dude, that is horrid. blackspade Dec 2013 #247