General Discussion
In reply to the discussion: Did you hate, fear or dislike gay people at one time? [View all]lovemydog
(11,833 posts)Because I was afraid that maybe I was gay and I grew up in a family and culture where being gay wasn't acceptable. When I was in college a guy wrote a really nice poem and shared it with me by reading it to me. He was gay. I was afraid that he was coming on to me and I was dismissive toward him and basically avoided him for the remainder of my time there.
How did this change? I became more comfortable with my own sexuality. I didn't feel that having a gay friend or having a guy share a poem or his feelings meant that he was coming on to me. I began minimizing in my mind the stupid slurs that people make like 'fag' or 'homo' or whatever. I also began seeing how those slurs are often advanced by guys who fear, like me, their own sexuality in some ways. It became kind of funny to me, as I began seeing the loudest homophobes as truly gay. My deepest advancement, I feel, developed years later, when a gay friend invited me to an annual gay art show.
At first I tried thinking up excuses not to go: I'm too busy with work, I could catch up on sleep on a Friday evening, all that kind of stuff. I had to confront within myself that the real reasons had to do with all that fear from the past, of being thought of as a homo or fag or effeminate or any of those awful slurs. I decided to go thinking it would just be a brief appearance there. I wound up having an fantastic wonderful time and stayed till the very end.
A few weeks later I talked with my gay buddy about it. Told him that I'm so glad that I've matured a bit as a person, and told about all my fears going into the party - that 'someone from the business community would see me there and think I was gay' all that kind of stuff. And how my fears were so silly and they were put to rest there at the art show. My buddy said 'Yeah, that's why we hold that event, it's for you!' That really made me laugh at myself and feel much more comfortable around others of different sexual orientation than myself.
I appreciate your thread.