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In reply to the discussion: Did you hate, fear or dislike gay people at one time? [View all]Ghost in the Machine
(14,912 posts)a "homo" or a "fag". I never really thought of it in terms of homophobia, as a 15 - 16 year old mind back then didn't really think about things like that. I don't even think I ever heard the word "homophobic" or "homophobia" until I was in my late 30's, and still didn't quite grasp it due to thinking of "phobia" as fear and I wasn't afraid of gay people. I had gay and lesbian friends and never thought of them as anything other than normal people. I used to tell a couple of gay guys "you swing your way and I'll swing mine, just don't swing your thing at me and we'll be fine". They actually got a good laugh out of that.
Funny story here... my ex brother-in-law had gotten remarried, and he bugged his wife for about 3 years to do a 3-way with another girl. Knowing him, I know he wanted it more for himself just to be able to be with another woman without feeling guilty or like he was cheating. After a couple of times, his wife decided she liked women better and left him for another woman! That sure backfired on him!! They were still married, and remained friends after that. When I first moved back to TN, I rented a basement apartment from him, as he only lived less than a mile from where I had gone into business with my uncle in a flooring shop. We sold and installed ceramic tile, marble tile, carpet and hardwood floors. "Becca" used to come over every morning and take my kids to school along with the kids she was watching. She was staying with another single father about 2 blocks from where we lived and was basically a live-in babysitter and house keeper. She also picked my kids up from school and watched them until I got off work. She would never allow me to pay her any money for watching my kids. Instead, since I didn't drink, I had to be her designated driver every Friday or Saturday night and drive her to a gay bar in Chattanooga where they had Drag Queen competitions.
I was kind of nervous at first, thinking "what if someone tries to hit on me?" I mentioned it to her and her reply was "you'll be with me, no one will think you are gay anyways, you don't set off any "gaydars"." I was 39 at the time, and that was the first time I had heard that term! We used to sit with a group of her friends all the time and there was this one guy I'll just call "Jim", who was a very nice guy, kind of quite and reserved, not too effeminate and very intelligent. I used to talk to him all the time because I enjoyed the intelligent conversations. After several weeks of going, and "Jim" getting to know me better, he started asking me "are you *sure* you're not gay?" I would always tell him "yes, I am 100% sure that I am straight."
One night, we picked up one of her friends who also didn't drink, and I decided to try their Long Island Iced Tea because I had seen them so much and everyone raved about how good they were. I bought a whole pitcher and shared a few with "Jim". He asked me again "are you *sure* you're not gay?" I was feeling pretty good because it was the first time I had touched any alcohol in 7 years. I looked at "Jim" and said "yes I am sure, but you know what? *if* I was gay, I would want someone like you. You are a very smart man, always a gentleman and you aren't bad looking at all!!" He got the biggest smile on his face and said "well thank you!". I don't mind saying that I shocked at myself by even saying that to him, but I wasn't ashamed of saying it and was glad that it made him feel good. I've known most of my life that being gay isn't a choice, it's just how you are born. You can't help who you are attracted to, it's a natural instinct, just like breathing. I didn't *choose* to be straight either, I'm just attracted to women. I think a person should be able to love whoever they are attracted to, and should be able to marry the person they love, without any persecution or bias. It's a shame that people feel like they have to hide who they really are and try to be someone else. I have been "ME" for 52 years and don't know how to be anyone else. I have undergone some pretty radical changes in my life, but I've always been "ME".
Peace,
Ghost