Health

My MIL kept my FIL at home with his Alzheimers until he passed. Even with my SIL living there and my aunt (who’s a retired nurse) staying with them the last 6 months, they needed more and more assistance as he slept little, lost mobility, bowel/urine function/diaper changes, and communication ability.

Yet there were times he was lucid and knew who everyone was and could discuss things that had happened in his past, discuss his school planning, answer questions, and sing songs. He would have crying bouts over everyone lost in the wars. His wartime memories weighed heaviest on him. He had been a military photographer.

Music seemed to immediately break through to him. Changing him and the bed when there was an accident was probably the most difficult task which needed to be done several times a day. Bathing was another difficult task that hospice or home health nurse came in to help with 2-3x /wk. He wasn’t heavy, it was just him not being able to cooperate or fighting when they were trying to move him.

It’s so hard deciding what to do, and the caregiver deserves care as well. I think it would not have taken such a toll on my MILs health (she was 83 at the time) if they had moved him to assisted living or took advantage of respite stays, but she flat-out refused. When Dad was still mobile, she insisted on keeping up their traveling since they both enjoyed it, but there were times he wandered off, once in the Atlanta airport. She got him an engraved bracelet with her contact info. She kept him moving and on outings until he became bedridden.

On the other hand, if he had been in assisted living full-time, she and my SIL may have missed out on some of his lucid moments - the last one which lasted several hours - was about 2-3 days before he passed.

You may want to check into the respite care possibility or home health help if you do decide that home is the best place for him.

Sending love and prayers your way.