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HighFired49

(353 posts)
20. I'm in the same situation
Wed Feb 21, 2024, 12:04 AM
Feb 2024

but my spouse is at home. If you don't mind my asking, how did your husband get to be in the care facility? I'm trying to figure out how to get my spouse into a care facility without her cooperation. She will not go willingly. I just can't take care of her 24 hrs. a day, cook, clean, do laundry, take care of the dogs, and keep up the yard at 74 yrs. old. My spouse has no memory, either short or long term, and can't help around the house. She gets very agitated when someone, other than the two of us, is in the house. My doctor has suggested, at minimum, getting her into a day care facility a couple of days a week, which would leave me free to do things I want/need to during the day, or just rest. She wouldn't have to go every day, but at this point she refuses to go even for a day. At this point, it just may have to be a 24hr. care facility.

One of the most concerning things that my doctor brought up is my inability to lift her when she falls, or get her in and out of the car, etc. (I have severe arthritis.) I've already had to call an ambulance twice in the last two months to get her up and take her to the hospital because of minor injuries from falling. Doc says that her falls will become more frequent, and she sometimes becomes combative when I try to pick her up, dress her, or help her move from one place to another. I suppose that you have to make your decision based on how exhausting it is to take care of your spouse. I know it's exhausting, especially when it's an all day every day situation. If you do bring him home, you might try in-home care help. But, if you place him in a facility nearby, you can go see him as often as you like. The care facility basically just takes on all of the exhausting work. Keep in mind that what ever happens, you have to take care of yourself. Try talking to your doctor about your situation, and tell him/her everything about your physical abilities, mental state, and monetary and family situation. i hope everything goes a well as it can for you. I know that it's a very difficult situation. Good luck.

I'm so sorry you're going through this. I'm sure spooky3 Feb 2024 #1
Thank you....... a kennedy Feb 2024 #2
You have to make the best decision for him...and you. brush Feb 2024 #4
He has been on some medication for early onset......but his Dr has taken him off of it. a kennedy Feb 2024 #6
Sorry. A home might be the best place. No need for both of you to suffer. brush Feb 2024 #8
the medicine has marginal benefit, and only very early on NoRethugFriends Feb 2024 #32
My friend's husband had dementia and got MOMFUDSKI Feb 2024 #3
Yes, it'll only get worse and I know that.......i'm just sick. All I do is cry. a kennedy Feb 2024 #5
Please take care of yourself... deRien Feb 2024 #10
Sending you a promised prayer and my heartfelt love for you both. sprinkleeninow Feb 2024 #21
I understand, to some degree, what you are going through. MLAA Feb 2024 #7
Thank you, he isn't the man he was......and I know he'll change, he is pretty a kennedy Feb 2024 #11
DM me anytime you just want to share your thoughts or need a shoulder. MLAA Feb 2024 #18
I think you already know what the correct decision is. Working yourself niyad Feb 2024 #9
♥️ ♥️ ♥️ a kennedy Feb 2024 #12
I'm so sorry you and your husband are going through this woodsprite Feb 2024 #13
Thank you. a kennedy Feb 2024 #15
I am sorry you have to go through this. Gore1FL Feb 2024 #14
It's already been a huge undertaking......I hope I can handle it. I just cry to much. a kennedy Feb 2024 #16
We are all here if you want to talk. Nt spooky3 Feb 2024 #40
That's a tough decision drmeow Feb 2024 #17
I have FTD Omaha Steve Feb 2024 #19
I'm in the same situation HighFired49 Feb 2024 #20
Holding you in my heart. What would he have wanted for you? n/t TygrBright Feb 2024 #22
Bring him home. Laura PourMeADrink Feb 2024 #23
it's her decision, why would you give her an order? NoRethugFriends Feb 2024 #34
Order? Wow thats quite a stretch. My mom and sister Laura PourMeADrink Feb 2024 #39
Respectfully... AmBlue Feb 2024 #42
Of course. Not sure what i said to imply no support. Yikes Laura PourMeADrink Feb 2024 #43
Sometimes the Caregiver is the one who needs care the most. Don't forget about you. Deuxcents Feb 2024 #24
Oh Dear, I really understand. I work full time as well as being the full time caregiver for my Ziggysmom Feb 2024 #25
Is there an option of having in home help? oldmanlynn Feb 2024 #26
I'm sorry you are going through this. cate94 Feb 2024 #27
If you or your husband are combat veterans, Korea, V.N. or wherever, 3Hotdogs Feb 2024 #28
I faced this with my parents tosh Feb 2024 #29
We kept our parents in their apartment with around the clock care applegrove Feb 2024 #30
My sister's partner came to the same crossroad peggysue2 Feb 2024 #31
Family strengthened with support Dear_Prudence Feb 2024 #33
You did the right thing. When loved ones get to his stage, it is dangerous to be home alone with them. SunSeeker Feb 2024 #35
I'm so sorry AmBlue Feb 2024 #36
Bless you. My wife died three years from Alzheimer's. I know what you're going through. demosincebirth Feb 2024 #37
It depends whether they can live at home without harm to themselves or others. no_hypocrisy Feb 2024 #38
Whatever you choose, Elessar Zappa Feb 2024 #41
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